The AMAs are a fun awards show where you get to see lots of great collabs and Taylor Swift having fun in the front row. Come to think of it, Taylor Swift is always having fun in the front row of every awards show. I'd like to think that if I were young and famous, I'd be in the Taylor Circle, or better yet, I'd have my own circle and we'd let the media think we were feuding but really we'd all meet up on the weekends to swim in each other's money pools a la Scrooge McDuck.
While Taylor looked AH. MAY. ZEEN., many others really missed the mark. I mean, I get it, it's not the GRAMMYs, but c'mon y'all. Put in a little effort.
There was so much black on the red carpet, and what killed me is a high percentage was done poorly. However, the majority was just plain dull. Let's discuss.
Mary J. Blige: The woman is an icon and her body seems to defy time, but why would a stylist put her in a dress that accentuates her hips and pelvis? PELVIS!!! The top is actually quite lovely, but who is looking at the top when her PELVIS!!! is exposed?
Diana Agron: Grrrrrrrl, why are you wearing a thousand-dollar trash bag? If this were shorter or longer, I think it could be salvageable, but as is, and in black, it's a dumpy, dumpy look. Her slicked back, messy hair adds to the derelict-chic look though, so at least it's cohesive.
Fergie: This Halston Heritage dress is the kind of dress I would love to own because it's sleek, sexy enough and timeless. In other words, I could get some wear out of it (if I had anywhere to wear it). She brought the Fergaliciousness during her performance, so I'm glad we haven't completely lost the zany stylings of the girl who loves Taco Bell as much as I do.
Meghan Trainor: She looks cute, yes. And I do like the playful lips bag.
I just thought we'd get a little more color/whimsy out of the new girl who gave us the anthem of the year with "All About that Bass."
A caveat to my rant about boring black: Two couples did it really well and showed how black can be stunning when teamed up:
Alone, Jessie J. looks unimaginative in an all-white pantsuit, but next to [I know he's somebody but I don't know who he is] the black and white duo looks ab fab. Also...
Jenny McCarthy could have looked matronly in this garment, but next to hubs Donnie Wahlberg and his cabernet tux? That's a good lookin' couple, which, despite having watched Donnie rub his sweaty t-shirt on his crotch, I really like seeing together.
Is it because Fifty Shades of Grey trailers will not quit? (BTW, I buckled from curiosity and downloaded the first book to my Kindle, I could not get past page six, y'all. What. In the heck. Is all the hype about.)
Jennifer Lopez: Yes, we get it, you have babies and your bod is still insured for $1 million. (Or is that just her booty?) The problem I have with this is it looks like a robe that was cut up and tied around her a few times. She can show it off better than this, and she knows it. Case in point? Her dance number that closed out the show:
Yes, it's a leotard, but use your imagination to turn this into a dress, and it's pretty spectacular.
Heidi Klum: First of all, I'd like to point out this dress is by Versace. Versace has done wonderfully gutsy things for the fashion industry, but this dress is not one of them. The bands are not placed in a flattering way at all -- how do you make something that is actually unflattering for Heidi Klum? -- and I can't help but see an homage to the pink ice trend of my middle school years.
I don't mind this look, but I was surprised to see so much of it on the red carpet. That being said, I think vamp done well can look super hot, and it makes a definite statement. You'll notice I left out the obvious vamper, Lorde, because...no.
(*Beauty Tip: If you're going to wear dark lipstick, you must whiten your teeth.)
Selena Gomez: At first glance, this dress doesn't look like much, although the neckline is quite elegant. However, the real drama came when she turned around:
Olivia Munn: She's not a musician so I think it was just fine to have a look but not make a huge statement. The dress is pretty but nothing that memorable.
Kylie Jenner: Errrrrrrybody was talking about Kylie in her Alexandre Valutier dress. I still don't know how she is contributing to society, and let's not forget she is seventeen, y'all. When I was 17, I thought spaghetti straps were risque. The plunging neckline and super high slit are a little much. Love the shoes though.
Harry Styles: For those of you who don't care, he's one of the dudes on IHeartRadio chiming, "Weeah One Direck Shun!" And he briefly dated Taylor Swift. Lots of gossip about him having to sit through her performance of "Blank Space" (my favorite line of that song: "Darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream"). And now he's refusing to cut his hair in solidarity, I'm assuming? I can't even get into how much I hate this look. Basically, it looks like he smells musty. Also please note, all of his band mates looked like they smelled great.
Ansel Elgort: Oh hey it's The Fault in Our Stars guy! Umm...do I need to talk about the proportions being all wrong or can I just let this one speak for itself?
Jaden Smith: I find it very hard to believe Will let him out of the house looking like this. I imagine Will and Jada were at home watching the awards show and suddenly saw their son on the red carpet and Jada being all, "I thought he was in his room!" and later that night, when Jaden returned, Will being all, "Don't EVER do that again,"and Jaden saying, "I'm just expressing myself," and Will shaking his head and saying, "Nooo. No. Mmm mmm. Not like that you're not. This is where you live. Right here. You live right here. This is home. Just like this. I don't wanna see none of that."
Some of the guys know what the ladies like: dapper and fun.
Nick Jonas: While I cannot stand and also cannot stop listening to "Jealous", I can't deny that the former Jonas Brother (but still technically a Jonas brother) knows how to dress. I. Love. The double breasted suit. How distinguished is he, and at 22 years old?! (I'm exclusively referring to his suit, not his lyrics or his copy of Marky Mark's Calvin Klein ad.)
NeYo: NeYo('s stylist) obviously knows how to show the people something new and fresh without looking gaudy or over the top. Extra points for pulling off a hat and pocket square.
Lance Bass: I mainly love this look because it looks like *NSYNC but feels like a grown-up. Oh how I wish they would do a reunion tour.
The dress is pretty. The cut is okay. Here's the thing: I realize that stylists aren't always the most accommodating when it comes to dressing women who aren't a size nothing. However. This dress does not look that intricate, and I say that because I feel like someone could have made this in a day or two. So why, then, would it not have been made to fit her body? The high-low hemline hits her at such an odd pace, making her knees look wide. Which begs the question: Why would a designer want us to be focusing on her knees? The material is kind of wrinkled, and then you've got this bohemian hair that on a more free-flowing gown would look gorgeous, but here it looks sloppy. And then the shoes are one big missed opportunity. How pretty would a jeweled blue sandal with red toe nails have been? Mary, get a new stylist immediately.
Julianne Hough: I was surprised that very few people wore "wow" gowns. Julianne brought it in Zuhair Murad, which is interesting from every angle is is a gorgeous shade of orange.
Taylor Swift: Taylor's was the only dress that made my jaw drop. I think it's such a inventive way of rocking the cropped top trend without looking too trendy, and that green is spot on. I also really like that she didn't add much to the look but rather just let it be. This is how you wear the dress without it wearing you.
Giuliana Rancic: I like how this dress plays with the black and white concept and throws blue in there to break it up. It fits her like a glove and her simple, straight hair pulls the whole look together.
Overall, I think the worst dressed of the night was Heidi and the best dressed was Taylor. What do you think? Did I miss any?