Here's the thing...as much as I think I should be over last year's breakup, the truth is that it's been a long, excruciating year of not being over it at all. Well, a year next month. Yikes.
However, lately there's been a change in me. I didn't know what it was at first, but now I think I can safely say I've passed into the acceptance phase of grief. But the transition from depression to acceptance was rocky, and during the transition, and even now, I mostly wanted to be alone, in my apartment, with my Noli and my Netflix. Here's how Noli feels about it:
At first I worried I was conditioning myself into a permanent state of spinster hermitism, but the more I allow myself to just be, the more I realize that my heart is being restored and, in turn, I'm becoming whole again.
This advice from Amy Poehler has brought me a lot of comfort during this whole acceptance thing:
My acupuncturist (so white I know) explained it as a fall and winter of my life. If you go through seasons in life, then in fall things quiet down, it starts to get cold, and you experience loss, like trees losing leaves. And then in winter, you must go through a time of hibernation and even death. But in death there is no pain, and there's quite a bit of peace, actually. If you're a Christian as I am, then you can also draw the parallels to the death of Christ and His following resurrection. With death comes resurrection life, which is buoyant, strong and overcomes death. Pretty powerful!
I'm looking forward to spring, but I'm not quite there. The conundrum is that, being the extreme extrovert I am, I still have a lot to say, but I haven't felt the need to say it. Well, now I want to say it, and it's all piled up in my brain, which is a little daunting. So I'm gonna ease back into this and hopefully get it all out in the next couple of weeks.
Thanks for hangin' in here with me.