Image Map

Impress the Fam This Thanksgiving with Dark Chocolate Nutella Cake I Invented

Nov 26, 2013

I'm always impressed by food blogs and their pretty pictures; however, although I love cooking and baking, I don't love writing a post about that stuff because A) I don't have a camera with which to take pretty pictures like those fancy food bloggers do; and B) I generally find recipe posts super boring and quickly scroll through the photos, knowing full well mine will not look like that, down to the ingredients so I can figure out what I have in my apartment that's not too expired to use and/or that I can substitute for some exotic ingredient like Plaster of Paris.

Wait...I'm thinking of a chalk paint tutorial. Never mind. Same difference though. 

My point is, that's why I haven't posted lots of recipes on here, but I'm going to this week because A) I'm feeling a little too enlightened on dating right now so I want to write about something else; and B) People actually requested I share this recipe I made up, and since I almost never get requests for posts other than ones about dating that result in me getting dumped by three guys in 24 hours, I figured Thanksgiving week would be a perfect time to share it.

And so. I present to you...Drum roll, please...

So here's what happened. My friend K gave me a jar of Nutella that was about to expire, and I had signed up to bring a dessert to a church picnic, so I scoured Pinterest for Nutella recipes and decided upon Nutella Crescent Rolls because I had crescent rolls in my fridge I'd been meaning to use. Sadly, when I popped open the can, an awful smell burst out of it, and I noticed they'd expired in May. Who knew white bread could go bad?!

Side Note: About a month ago I was overjoyed to find a whole box of unopened saltines in my pantry that I didn't even know I had. They had expired at some point in 2012, but I was still under the impression white bread products don't go bad. I sat on my couch with the box, intending to eat a sleeve for dinner, and whaddya know, they were rank. I don't even know what's in white bread products that would smell so bad. I'm really disappointed in the preservative measures in this country.

Every other Nutella recipe I found called for at least one ingredient I didn't have, so I gathered what I did have, which was (here's your ingredients people, so you can relax and not scroll down right away; you're welcome):
  • Box of dark chocolate brownie mix
  • 1/4 cup Skippy creamy peanut butter
  • 1/2 cup of Nutella
  • 1 cup milk
  • 2 Eggs
  • 2/3 cup melted butter
*Tip: You can use whatever the box calls for, like oil and water, but I like to melt butter and use milk because it makes me feel like Julia Child. And sometimes I may talk like her while I'm doing it. Melt the buerrrrrrrre then you rub some salt in 'cause it makes it taste niiiiice...Zoot alors I have missed one!

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Duh. (Everything you bake is at 350 degrees, you should know that by now.) Mix the brownie mix, eggs and butter in a bowl; set aside, like the baker extraordinaire you are. In a Pyrex measuring cup (or another bowl if you're not as domestic as I am) mix 1/4 cup Nutella, peanut butter and 1/2 cup milk. Nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds to soften. Whisk to ensure it's mixed well then pour into batter and beat for 30 seconds.

Spray your bundt pan with Pam or whatever. I used coconut oil spray from Trader Joe's, which worked better than any other oil spray I've ever used. Pour in batter and use a spatula to smooth the top.

Bake for 40-50 minutes, or longer if it's not baked through. Just check every 5 minutes after 50 minutes to see if it's ready. I recommend watching 30 Rock Christmas episodes while you wait.

This is the fun part! Fork it, sister.

Scoop remaining Nutella and pour remaining milk into Pyrex measuring cup; nuke for 30 seconds and whisk. Consistency should be like syrup, so add milk if it's too thick. Slowly drizzle over cake. It will pool a lot in the middle and that's okay. Better than okay. You're going to find out just how much better real soon! Try not to let it pool too much around the perimeter because it might drip off the cake plate. Or, LIGHTBULB MOMENT!, put it on a plate that curves upward so it doesn't drip off.

This is basically what it should look like when you're finished putting on the glaze. Take several photos until you find one enough in focus to put on Instagram. Take the time to choose the best filter. This is a critical step, y'all, so don't rush it.

Let it sit overnight if possible. If not, ehh, it'll be fine. Please note that the longer it sits, the more time it has to soak in the glaze, so 24 hours will yield more compliments.

UPDATE: Leave it to former roomie Margels to make this cake within six hours of me posting the recipe and discovering the fatal (well let's hope it's not THAT bad) flaw...if you use milk from a cow versus almonds or soy beans or coconuts or whatever they come up with next,  you'll need to refrigerate the cake whilst it soaks in the glaze. Whoopsies.

That snowman is acting soooo white right now. #embarrassing
Right before presentation time, sift powdered sugar on the top. This is optional but it's all I could think of to cover the fork massacre holes.

Now would be a good time to Instagram again and let the comments about how amazing this looks and how everyone wants the recipe go straight to your head where you imagine your genius recipe going viral then getting a Nutella sponsored food blog to create more genius recipes then moving to a farm like the Pioneer Woman where you'd have baby animals become best friends and Animal Planet would film them for Too Cute and then you'd get a TV show on Food Network about baking and baby animals and then you'd marry a cowboy.

Stay close to your cake at all times so you can hear what people are saying and also so you can be nearby when someone says, "Who made this?" and you can act surprised and be all, "Oh! I did, just shippers (<---stupid aggggghhhhh="" auto="" be="" because="" big="" correct="" deal.="" did="" going="" hair="" hope="" i="" it="" my="" nbsp="" no="" on="" phone="" re="" to="" tossing="" up="" whipped="" you="" your="">a lot.