Image Map

Let the Dating Games Begin!

Oct 2, 2013

It had to happen sometime. After the one-month break-up mark, I decided my time had come. Ready or not, I was going to go out on a date. Better to break the seal in a strategic, rather than desperate and lonely, way, right?

(Editor's Note: I'd like to take a minute to again clarify that this is not a dating blog, and I typically only write about bad dates because they make better stories. That does not mean I'm only going on bad dates. *winkiewinkie*)

*ahem* You're welcome, longtime reader Sam.

I chose the easiest dating commencement option, which is online dating. (Joanna, feel free to cut off my hands.) It's not that I haven't been asked out, because I have and it's been blowing my mind. I do NOT remember it being this easy to get a guy's attention.

Case in point: I was standing by Subway last Friday night and a very nice looking man in a fancy lookin' suit walked right up to me and said, "Please. Come get food with me. Let me buy you dinner." Take note ladies, standing outside of a Subway is the modern way to get an instadate. Or Tinder. Eewies. (I am very concerned for the up-and-coming single city girls.)

Why was I standing outside of a Subway on a Friday night, you ask? Because I was starving after the drinks-only date I'd just ditched. That story will come soon enough, and Sam, it will feel like Christmas when it does. But first, a peek into what it's like being a single girl in DC, aka Mary El's Online Dating Hall of Shame:

Radioactive Where's Waldo Guy
(How many arms does it take to get a girl's attention?)

Gross Bathroom Selfie Guy Who Wants You to Think He Practices Good Hygiene
But Is Visibly Gross and Taking A Selfie in His Bathroom

Guy Who Everyone Thinks Is Shameful Because He's Posing in Front of the Capitol and/or Is Wearing Leather Sandals
(Only the single girls know immediately why he's in my Hall of Shame.)

Twin Love Guy(s) (Package Deal?)
(Every photo was the two of them touching each other in some way.)

Needs a Better Opener Guy
(This is only the most recent conversation. I deleted the three others.)
(Also, it's not a conversation if only one person is talking.)

Englishly Challenged Guy
(I don't know what he's talking about that I said. Not a clue.)

Guy Who Wants A Bitch Guy
(My personal favorite.)

(This post is dedicated to my furloughed comrades. Hope you got a good chuckle out of it!) 


  1. Ummmmm, the last guy totally just wants to a pet. And he hopes it going to be okay if he just abandons the pet to a crate most of the time. He sounds like terrible boyfriend material to me. I can't imagine what he'd do with a girlfriend. Leave her with his mother for a week while he answers "work" emails???


  2. Finally reading this post! Haha, love it :) Can't wait to read the dating stories to come!!

  3. Wait a second, what happened with Mr. Subway Suit? That sounded like the beginning of a story, and then hey, let's look at awkward people on OkCupid.

    1. I'll get to it @Mandy, it's part of the story

    2. ... of the date. Look for it in the next week!

  4. So much good stuff here, I can't help but comment.

    1) I'm in Philly, not DC. But I am a federal employee and somehow also considered essential. I was feeling really fortunate about that, although now that it turns out everyone who was furloughed last week is getting back paid, I sort of feel like a got the short end of the stick. I joke though... because I agree, the whole thing is a total embarassment no matter which party you call your own. I had a totally inappropriate bar convo about that over the weekend with a guy I only kinda sorta knew. Luckily he agreed.

    2) I actually know a guy who met his current almost girlfriend on Tinder. The best part? He doesn't own a smart phone and Tinered on his buddy's iPod. True story. The guy is normal though, and I met the girl and she seems ok as well. I'm actually rooting for this to work because they may be the ONLY couple to ever come out of Tinder.

    3) One time after I broke up with a guy in college my friend told me about the "freshly single scent" I guess its your pheremones going nuts or something but it makes the men flock. Not sure how long it lasts, but next time I'm going to try and bottle it.

    4) What? You mean you DIDN'T want to date the MARRIED man lounging infront of the capitol?? Are you crazy girl? lol

  5. I think you're onto something with the's definitely been abnormal! Hope your friend isn't living out the makings of the next Lifetime Original: Tinder Jill.