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On Unicorns

Dec 12, 2012

Why haven't I posted on here in almost three months? I met a unicorn!

And you can thank him for this post, because he read my blog -- ironically and unfortunately he only read the post that drove the idea of the unicorn, which, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, is the mythical creature known as "The Eligible Man" -- and he thinks I stopped writing because of him.

The truth is, it's been really busy lately. I stopped writing for Borderstan as well because my job has been hectic (cannot emphasize enough that it's hectic in a good way), up until last month I was planning a big event with Washington Women in PR, and, well, I was busy with boyfriendy things. So in a way, he had something to do with the lapse in blog posts, but really, as I explained to him, I just didn't feel like writing. Not that this is a job, but it was nice to give myself a break and just be in the moment for a while. When I start getting paid to write this thing, we'll talk about more consistently posting.

But I'm back on track now, mostly because I have so many holiday posts I want to write! So without further ado, here's the 411 on The Boyfriend.

During the last days of summer, my friend Grace asked me if I was hosting a rooftop party before the weather turned cold. Although I lurv rooftop parties in the summer, I had grown weary of them as I seem to always be hosting. But I can't resist a request, especially coming from someone as chic as Grace. It makes me feel like I'm the hostess with the mostest, and that is priceless.

I sent out the invites, made a "Rooftop Party" Pinterest board, and bought tons of food and decorations, complete with a 'smores bar. When the day arrived, Grace emailed me to let me know she was pregnant and wasn't feeling up to coming. How do you get upset with a pregnant lady? So I revised the invite quickly and encouraged guests to bring single, straight men. It was supposed to be a joke (but not really).

Actual invite. Blacked out my address to deter the droves of other single, straight men who will want to jump on the missed opportunity after I publish this.

All night guests came and went, devoured the 'smores and complimented me on my rooftop party skillz. I thought, This is great and all, but seriously, I'm not doing these alone anymore. I had so much cleaning up to do, it was expensive and I was exhausted from cooking all day. Around 11 p.m. my neighbors came up, and with them they brought -- you guessed it -- a single, straight man. Too tired to care that much at that point, I was cordial but really just wanted to wrap up the party so I could go to bed.

About 30 minutes later I got my wish. Everyone left, and I began to clean up the roof. Then I noticed the single, straight man had stayed to help me. He brought everything down, and then, in the chaos of my wrecked kitchen, he offered to help me clean that as well.

"Oh no, I'm way too tired," I told him, more embarrassed than tired at that point. But he insisted, and in 20 minutes my apartment was cleaner than it had been in weeks. We sat down on my couch to relax afterwards, and before I knew it, four hours had passed. We talked all night. It was like one of those magical things you see in the movies and you always hope will happen to you, instead of meeting someone off of an online dating site and having a really awkward first date but a slightly better second one and deciding that if things work out you'll just tell everyone about the second date as if it were your first with a lie an embellished story about how you met.

Anyway, once the sun had risen and we were both feeling an appropriate amount of awkwardness, he asked for my number and if he could take me to dinner that week. I said yes, and he's been taking me to dinners ever since. Except that one time I took him home to Georgia to meet my family for Thanksgiving.


So, to recap, my definition of a unicorn is:
  1. Single (not anymore!)
  2. Straight (yes, total dude)
  3. Christian (check)
  4. Employed (check)
  5. Taller than Me (6'2" ideal height!)
And the peripheral requirements are:
  1. Dark, curlyish hair (yep)
  2. Blue or green eyes (bluish/greenish -- pretty close to mine actually)
  3. Fair skin (palest one in his family, woo!)
  4. Swimmer’s build (yep, although he'd probably prefer me to say basketball player's build, so I'll just say "baller.")
  5. Muscly arms (yessssssssssssss)
  6. Enjoy theatre (umm...he enjoys theater, as in the movies, but what-evs, I can get over this one)
  7. Know how to cook (sort of, but even better, he is learning how to cook and I am teaching him, which is fun and romantic)
  8. Understand the importance of nice jewelry (the guy owns a watch collection, and I'm not talking Swatches)
  9. Never ever let me pay for dinner (nope)
  10. Prefer to live in the city (ehh...he lives in Alexandria, but he usually comes to me, so it's okay)
  11. Want kids (yep, but that's as far into particulars as I'll go, including why we even had that conversation) (okay it's because we got in a big argument about Santa Claus, and I'll just leave it at that)
  12. Not be too hairy (no back hair creeping out of his collar, check!)
(I kind of love that in the post where I first detail all this, I declare my love for Justin Bieber. He can't stand The Biebs. Probably a good sign.)

Also, a guy at a bar once told him he looks like James Bond. That's less impressive to me as someone saying he looks like Prince Eric or Superman, but it's all about the same. (For the record, I think he looks like Prince Eric or Superman.) 

So ANYWAYS...apparently unicorns do exist, and you better believe I'm not letting this one go. Great way to wrap up the year. Woo!


  1. But the question remains.... does he have any single unicorn friends or is there only one unicorn. :-(

  2. Ahhh, I'm so happy for you! It has been forever since we talked, but it was so much fun reading this and knowing that you found someone (that sounds) wonderful for you! Funny enough - I took my unicorn home to Georgia to meet my family for Thanksgiving, too! Solidarity in HUGE firsts and, of course, Georgia lovin'!

    So happy for you!

  3. @Cyndi 2012 was our YEAR! A huge first for me too. :) I was insistent about taking him so I could dispel his wackadoo ideas of Georgia from Honey Boo Boo.

  4. @Anonymous All I can say is super cliche, but...if I can find a unicorn, we ALL can find a unicorn. And yes he has friends. :)

  5. *big giant smile* I've been waiting for this post, after seeing your pics on FB. Love love love and hugs to you!

  6. I can't tell you how big I smiled reading your blog. So very excited for you

  7. Reading your blog put a huge smile on my face. So very excited for you.

  8. Yay, Mary El! Congrats on finding a unicorn! (And you should probably not tell him you call him your unicorn behind his back/to the entire Internet world... yet. I'm looking forward to reading that post when you do!)

  9. Congrats on your unicorn! I married mine yesterday, :)

  10. Yay @Theresa! Congrats!

    And thank you @Selena, your photo makes me smile. :)

  11. Woooo hooo! Wonderful, simply wonderful! :)