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My Funny Valentine's Day

Feb 14, 2012

As a perpetual Singleton, I pride myself on not being sad on Valentine's Day. I've always had a positive attitude about the day, for several reasons:

1) It's made up by Hallmark to make money, right? I mean, it celebrates the day some Catholic guy was imprisoned or murdered. (I know I've heard this somewhere before -- Wikipedia is being unhelpful at the moment.)

2) I love giving advice to people (check out how positive I was in college!) and especially telling my girlfriends how awesome they are.

3) It gives me an excuse to buy pretty valentines and mail them to my favorite people (mostly said girlfriends, whose cards I use to reiterate just how awesome they are).

4) Nothing has any calories in it. That's a law.

5) Every one of my past V-Day dates have been terrible to the point of comical. I've never once had a good date on this day, and if I did I don't remember it.

Today has been rough though, not gonna lie. I take that back -- the day was great. Megan sent me flowers at work (and gave me explicit instructions to tell people they were from a guy so people in my office would be impressed). I received two valentines from my awesome friends. And I got a slew of text messages, mostly from people who received my valentines and were thanking me and reminding me they love me and miss me.

For some reason, it was right before I went to yoga that I thought about the dude who broke my heart. I tried really hard to think about how much I hated him and how pathetic he is, but the more I tried, the more my heart swelled with gushy feelings for him. I decided I am off the market, dating myself, I guess.

I cried, washed my face and took out Noli for her evening walk. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself per se, but I was feeling rejected and alone. Noli and I walked by our local car mechanic shop, and the guys who work there all walked up to her to pet her. "Happy Valentine's Day, by the way," Noli's favorite -- who is actually pretty cute -- said to me, looking up from his stooping position where he was scratching Noli's ear, while she shut one eye out of attention-whore ectasy.

A few steps later I passed by a restaurant that serves DC's hottest hipster guys, and one of them ran out and said, "I'm so glad I caught you! You're so pretty, I had to talk to you."

Me, PRETTY? I thought. I had on no makeup and was in my yoga clothes with my hair pulled back.

"Do you have a man?" he asked.

"Yes, I do ," I found myself saying. "Thank you, though. That was really nice."

"Well, happy Valentine's Day anyway," he said, grinning at me. I couldn't believe how ballsy he was. I chocked it up to it being the 14th.

During yoga I strained my neck, causing a muscle spasm and making me wish yoga were over. Usually I enjoy clearing my mind during yoga, but I was in so much pain I couldn't focus. Instead I thought about all the weddings I have to attend this year. Then I had a moment of clarity. I'll fly in Cute Boy! In my head, it would be just like "The Wedding Date" except I wouldn't have to pay him, just pay for his flights.

I couldn't wait to tell someone about it, so when I went to CVS to pick up a prescription, I called a friend and told her my clever idea.

"NO, you are NOT that desperate," she insisted. She then proceeded to ask me to tell her not to g-chat with a guy who has not intention of dating her but enjoys her attention, proably almost as much as she enjoys his. So I dished it back to her and told her she is not that desperate but to enjoy the g-chatting because honestly I wish I had someone to g-chat with tonight.

Once our conversation wrapped, I walked to the counter, and the pharmacist attempted to cover up a chuckle as he rang me up.

"Gotta talk my friends off of their ledges," I said.

"Yeah, me too," he said, still looking down. "That's why I am so glad I have a legitimate excuse as to why I'm not going out tonight."

As we talked about the Valentine's Day a little more, I remembered that most of us are single (we outnumber the Marrieds now), and it's not necessarily a bad day, as we're supposed to think is.Also, I was beginning to notice just how good looking my pharmacist is, as well as helpful.

So here's to Valentine's Day, the day I get to eat whatever I want (salt & vinegar chips for dinner, chocolate all day long and strawberries and champagne to wash it all down), and the day that serves as a reminder that being a Singleton is not all bad, but the possibility of not being a Singleton could be right around the corner...or at CVS.



  1. I like your take on Valentine's. There's always joy to be had, and I don't understand why people prioritize this one day over all others. I'd rather be loved the other 364 days than receive a super-sized dose on 2/14. xoxo

  2. Sing it, sister! This was the first time I was actually depressed on V-Day. Never again!