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Blame it on the al-al-a-al-co-al-co-Turning 30

Mar 9, 2011

In my mind my Friday night went like this:

I met up with friends Brittany, Yves-Marie, and Rachel for dinner at Co Co. Sala.  We had a few glasses of champagne (there may have been a shot of espresso infused Patron involved, but whatever, no big deal), some wonderful food (including the new Tuna Tartar which is DEEEElish), and hilarious conversation, maybe the funniest of my life (can't remember any of it now, but I was in stitches so I know it was very, very funny). 

Afterwards Brittany and I walked to the Metro, and Yves-Marie told Brittany to make sure I got home okay.  She can be quite motherly toward me sometimes.

Brittany and I enjoyed a ride on the Metro, and when my stop came Brittany told me to text her when I got home.

"But I am home!" I said, laughing at her. 

"Text me," she insisted.

Aww, Brittany was being kind of motherly too.  Totally unnecessary but sweet.  As the door shut I knocked on her window and waved good-bye.  She didn't look amused.  Must be tired from working so late tonight, I thought.

As I walked up the sidewalk toward my building, a passer by said, "Keep goin' honey, you're gonna make it, you're doin' good!"  I thought that was odd and congratulated myself for walking so well in 4-inch heels. 

I got myself into bed and noticed a text from Morgan: "At Napoleon, your bartender is here, come dance!"  I texted her back that I had just gotten home and had a tad too much champagne and was just going to go to bed.

The next morning:

I had another text from Morgan.  "Heart U."  Aww, that's so nice.  Then I noticed a bunch of texts in between her asking me to dance and the last one. 

Morgan: "At Napoleon, your bartender is here, come dance!"

Me: "Omg iu just got home ange us' wanted
        Trell him hew is hotz"

Morgan: "Hahahaha that doesn't make any sense"

Me: "Yes or does
        I an ain't dickie Brain
        No ni
        I. Am seei.g dobke gh iso po n Oi sion
        Double vision"

Morgan: "Are you home? And in bed? I hope so"

Me: "Yes
        Drunk as.s.a. skunk
        Ha kunk skajajasjshahahja

Morgan: "I am LOLing at U!
              Heart U"

So that was my first indication that Friday may have gone slightly differently than I recalled.

Monday, back at work, Yves-Marie, Brittany, and I went to grab a coffee:

"Friday was so fun!" I said.  "We have to do it again."

Yves-Marie and Brittany exchanged awkward glances.

"What?" I protested.

Yves-Marie started: "Let me show you how Brittany was walking to the Metro."  She walked normal, with a touch of sass.  "And now you."  She zig zagged down the hallway flailing her arms like a bird.

"No way, I was walking straight!"

Brittany tilted her head down, looked me straight in the eyes, and shook her head no.

"But I didn't even drink that much!"

Brittany rolled her eyes.  "It got worse on the train.  Do you remember announcing to everyone on the Metro that that girl's rose was stupid?"

I gave her a puzzled look.  Yves-Marie grinned.

"You don't remember this?  Oh yeah, there was a girl -- and she was hood, Mary El, HOOD -- and she was with her boyfriend who had gotten her a rose off of one of those street vendors, and you very loudly told me that her rose was stupid."

That did sound like me.  I get really nervous whenever I'm on a date and those guys with the roses come by the table.  If a guy were ever to buy me one I think I might die of embarrassment.  They are SO AWKWARD.  Almost as awkward as telling a girl who got one on her date that it's stupid. 

"Do you think they heard me?"

"Mary El.  She was about to come over and beat you up.  I was trying to pretend like I didn't know you.  And when you knocked on the window when you got off?  The people in front of me knocked back."

"They did?  I didn't even notice!" I really was not remembering any of this.

"Yes, they did.  And everyone laughed after the doors closed."

Oh my gaaaaaaaaaawsh.  I was that girl. 

"Do you remember drunk dialing me?" Yves-Marie laughed.


"Oh, y'all gotta hear this."  She took out her phone and plugged headphones into it.  Brittany and I shared.

Hiiiiiiiii Yves-Marie.  Just wanted to let you know I got home oka-- eeew, Noli, stop licking in my mouth it's weird!  Go away!  PAUSE  Aaaaaaaanyway, had a great time and I think we should do it more often.  Bye!

"That wasn't too bad," I said, taking out my headphone.

Yves-Marie held up her finger.  "It's not over."

LONG PAUSE Dangit, I think I peed in my pants a little.  You made me laugh, it's not fair.



Hopefully I can keep this under control for the next three weeks until I turn 30.  Not sure if I'll keep acting like a 20-year-old after I hit the milestone, but at least I'm doin' it in hot shoes.

"I'm lizzing! I'm lizzing!"


  1. You were absolutely "that girl!"

  2. Lol I love it! I have those moments all the time, you think you have had a great night, and then during the course of the day you have flash backs....and then you start asking questions about those flash backs only to find out they were all true!!

    Sounds like you had a good night though xx

  3. Ahahaha, the "keep goin' honey" makes me laugh SO hard!

  4. Oh my! You just made me laugh so hard! Yes, Yves-Marie and I were giggling at you bobbing and weaving down the platform! On a bright note, you looked adorable doing it. Perhaps next time I'll know I'm going out and will wear some cute heels too.

    And for the record, that Patron and tuna stuff... that's all you going above and beyond! But I can say the waiter was very nice, the dinner was yummy, and the company couldn't have been better.

  5. I have been that girl. That is a great story!!! And I hope you DON'T stop misbehaving just because you turn 30. I'm long past 30 (well, not THAT LONG), and I still misbehave from time to time. Totally worth it!

  6. this post cracked me up! i've totally been there :)

  7. Sounds like an all around good night to me. glad you are living it up. Cheers, T.

  8. Not sure if I laughed harder when you told the story in person last night or when I just read it. Either way, I am sl glad you decided to share it with everyone!! Hopefully we can get Sassy this drink on Saturday night!!

  9. Oh my. This is GENIUS (and it suddenly makes me feel a whole lot better about my own drunken outings).

  10. I <3 that you peed yourself.

  11. Wow. OMG OMG this is SUCH a funny story!

    This guy, poor SOB -- I mean he probably makes a third of the money you make (haha, LOSER) -- thinks he's doing something sweet for his equally poor girlfriend (HAHA loved that you called her Ghetto... so true... OMG who the F*** are these people that have lived and grown up here their whole lives but can't at least adapt to look and act like those of us who come here to buy cupcakes and nicely attempt to gentrify their city), but really, how LAME is that? He bought her a rose? From a street vendor? HAH! That's not sweet, its retarded!

    They DEFINITELY deserved to be mocked by you. You did them a favor. And you know what I like most about it? That when you found out about it the next day, instead of being ashamed of it because its snobby, elitist, and mean-spirited... you found humor in it and decided to share it with all of us!

    OMG, so proud of you that you can keep being a heinous yuppy b*tch well into your 30's! But at least you'll be doing it in hot shoes! LOLzzz

    Sort your F***ing life out.

  12. Uh...Dude (aka "Anonymous"). I was making fun of myself. But congratulations on your part for understanding that my comments on the Metro were rude and I was a hot mess that night, not acting my age. But you got one thing wrong: I'm well into my 20s, not 30s.

    Whoever you are, out there in the internetsland, being a nobody because you won't reveal your identity (could you be Superman? doubtful) -- which by the way defeats the purpose of social media, so not really sure why you're bothering using it -- LIGHTEN UP. Geez.

  13. Love this story.

    Remember you could also blame it on the e-e-e-e-e-economy.

  14. Great post! Thanks for the laughs! We all have nights like these, though, right?

  15. I'm still laughing!!!