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Unicorn Shmunicorn

Feb 4, 2011

I've been thinking a lot about all this Unicorn business...mostly because other people keep bringing it up.

First there was the Twitter conversation.  Then City Girls World posted an autonomous analysis on the same subject (Amazing! We're not the only city girls who feel this way?!).  At a recent happy hour, a Twitter pal brought to my attention that a male blogger had written a post responding to the Unicorn chatter.  A few days later, while perusing another blog, I noticed a similar post

I began to wonder who all was writing about these so-called Unicorns.  So I did a Google search.  Bad idea. There is some WEIRD $#!@ out there (well, that link is actually pretty funny).  Mostly Japanese, but with a little bit of the vampire/zombie/fantasy obsessed white kids.  At first I thought it would be cute to compare what people think real unicorns are like to the fantasy that we girls dreamed up, but that was a bizarre stretch.

The point is, this chatter obviously stirred up other conversations, and I'd like to address a few things.

1) I started it.  That's right, I was on my Man Search and I complained over Twitter that I couldn't find a single, employed, taller-than-me guy.  Then Bourbon Toddy picked it up and said that's all any of us want, but "he might as well be a unicorn."  (She can be now be considered an expert on this subject, and you can read all about her dates with a Unicorn here.)

2) The criteria for a Unicorn are purposeful.  Earlier that week I'd heard on the radio that women are too picky and should have five criteria for a mate and compromise after that.  I decided upon single, straight, employed, taller than me, and Christian.  And I have specific reasons for each one of those criteria.  I get hit on a lot, but the men are usually not single.  I've been propositioned by a really great guy who happened to be gay.  Cute Boy was a terrific boyfriend, but he preferred to be unemployed.  Taller than me is just a bonus at this point, but if I get five criteria, daggommit, it's gonna be on there.  And Christian is a must because I'm Christian and if I'm going to find a match he's going to be Christian too. 

3) The “criteria” are really just guidelines.  I’m sure there are exceptions to all my rules.  The only guy I’ve been truly close to marrying was barely taller than me, pudgy, balding, and didn’t make much money.  Being in love with him was the first time in my life I really didn’t care what other people thought.  When we broke up – which was my choice because I moved across the country to pursue a life experience that I needed to experience on my own – and I fell to pieces and questioned myself every day for a year, my friends told me I made the right decision because he was short and fat.  That kind of talk didn’t help me at all!  Because…

4) The No. 1, ultimate rule is you have to be attracted to the person.  And when you are, everything else doesn’t matter so much.  Single?  Well yes, that is necessary.  I’m not interested in being a home wrecker.  Straight?  Yes, also very important for obvious reasons.  Employed?  I’d think the right one for me would be employed since that matches me.  I’m employed.  I enjoy working hard and taking pride in that work.  Taller than me?  It would be nice.  As independent as we women are, we all want to feel protected by the man we’re with.  If he’s taller than us it gives the feeling that he is a protector.  Also it generally makes us feel petite and skinnier than we may actually be, and that makes us feel desirable.  Christian?  I’ve dated the non-Christian and it doesn’t end up working out, so that’s an immovable trait.  If I were being really honest, my list would have at least a hundred other “criteria.”  I’d like him to have dark, curlyish hair, blue or green eyes, fair skin, swimmer’s build, muscly arms, enjoy theatre, know how to cook, understand the importance of nice jewelry, never ever let me pay for dinner, prefer to live in the city, want kids, not be too hairy…


This is all moot if I’m attracted to the guy, and I never really know what will attract me.  But here’s a tip for any guys reading – girls live by their feelings.  Make a girl feel beautiful and you will automatically intrigue her, no matter what you look like. 

5) We all just want somebody to love.  Living in DC has made me afraid to be honest about this, but you know what?  It’s true.  I turn 30 in less than two months, and I’m a bit lonely.  I’m not as worried about getting married and having babies as I was when I was 27.  Actually, if that never happens I’m not going to shrivel up and die.  I just want somebody who is mine and who I belong to.  And I don’t think I’m the only one.

And now I shall listen to Justin Bieber and Usher, because as long as I'm being honest, I kind of lurv the Biebs.


  1. You've got the "Bieber Fever!" :)
    Enjoyed the reading... I know your Mr. Wonderful is out there - I can feel it in my eyelashes. hee! hee!

  2. This is one of your best ones.

  3. We feel you! One of the biggest dating challenges is finding the balance between "expecting the best" and "giving real people a real chance." As complicated as that may be, I believe that our guts know it when they see it (and shhh, don't tell, but I found one last summer and I'm still pinching myself ---they are out there!)

  4. That had to be one of the most honest things I have ever read.

  5. Divorced Guy! You were the other blog I read and I couldn't remember! Thanks for reading -- I feel the same way about your post. :)

  6. Thanks for linking to me on this. I go into a lot about YOUR unicorn theories in my second Unicorn Sightings post of which there are 3 but my shit is such a mess I haven't gotten around to posting them yet. Just for the record my Unicorn is SHORT, SKINNY and some day to be bald or close to bald and he makes me feel like the SIZE OF A WHALE if I didn't need help feeling that way already but I think you are 100% right when you say that all a guy needs to do is to make us feel beautiful and special and important. I'm telling you, all of a sudden, ALL my previously chronic single friends are finding someone, I have a good feeling about this year. The YEAR OF THE UNICORN FOR MARY EL...

  7. Thank you for putting my feelings about tall men into words. That's it exactly. I always try to play it down because it feels superficial, but it is definitely about something more than just the way he looks.