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The Forecast Shows: Man Drought

Dec 13, 2010

A couple of weeks ago I talked two guys into watching "Tangled" with me.  Both were perfectly eligible -- cool jobs, good looking, straight, and both even open doors for girls.  (Really, who can ask for more than that?)  Unfortunately they're both in my friend zone, and everyone knows it's next to impossible to get someone out of there.  Side note: they wanted to see "Unstoppable."  How in the world did I talk them into watching Disney's latest princess cartoon?

Well maybe I got a bit of a big head about it, because my refound female power made me think I was sure to find a new guy right around the corner. But I know Prince Charming (or Prince Single, Straight, and Hopefully Taller Than Me) is not just going to appear, so I set up a happy hour with Jamie and her friend Diana.  Since both of them are in serious relationships they could both be my wing girls and I'd surely meet someone!

We began at Laughing Man Tavern.  Lots of post-work singles.  Except most were girls swooning over the cutest guy in their office that they talked into going out with them.  And the one table that looked like that SNL sketch with the awkward office people.  I eventually hit my boredom breaking point and did a dance routine I learned in a cardio class to entertain myself. 

(This was right before I had to give myself a pep talk in the bathroom because I realized it was exactly four months that day till my 30th birthday, sending me into a panic and increasing the urgency to meet Mr. Maybe.  Perhaps it's time to stop acting like a teenage pep squad leader in public?)

That weekend I had two holiday parties to attend.  I was documenting all of this on Twitter, and I started to draw some attention (remember, I'm mepper):

SassyMarmalade: I think you need a strategic plan of action! What kind of guy are you looking for??

mepper: single with a job! Preferably taller than me. Any advice?

Bourbon_Toddy: girls thats what we all want: single, slightly taller, employed/not a deadbeat and yet he #MightAsWellBeaUnicorn

SassyMarmalade: Plus, guys in DC are short! The military ones are usually a little better in that department.

My hopes sank.  Single, employed, and taller than me wasn't asking a lot, was it?  But these girls understood my plight and shared in it, it seemed.  (However I know from Sassy Marmalade's blog that she's happily coupled up.  How did she pull that off?)  It's what I've been hearing since I moved to DC -- the Eligible Man is a mythical creature.

And then, a glimmer of hope:

DateMeDCBlog: My advice is to come to my next happy hour because there are cute guys that show up! #fact

Good thing because my holiday parties didn't turn out any winners.  The first one was full of 24-years-olds (not doing that again), and the second one was full of guys salivating over my roommate (now THERE'S a girl who knows how to get a guy's attention -- by ignoring him!).  But I can't be too jealous of that night.  Her most avid admirer told her he had a thing for older women and it turned out he was older than she.  After she slapped him and stormed off, he tried to hit on me.  Really?  Really!  Oh boys, why do we even bother? 

Yet here I go again, to another happy hour to find the Unicorn Man.  Maybe he'll reveal himself in 2011?


  1. unicorn man. he's worth writing a song about. i'm on it!

  2. Hahaha, great post! I think you must just need some new watering holes to explore. Hopefully DateMeDC's HH will be the ticket.

    My secret? Found one from Texas. Of course that means he's going back to Texas, too.

  3. Ahh Texans...must plan trip to Austin next year!

    Sho, I want to hear this song!

  4. Sorry I missed the HH, but I will definitely come to one in the future - promise! Sounds like u met someone. Cant wait to hear more about this non-mythical creature. I loved this post and I loved being quoted. Cheers, T.