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Reflections on 2010 (Boys, Running, and Chocolate)

Dec 31, 2010

Today is the last day of 2010, and therefore I must reflect. And make New Year's resolutions.

2010's resolutions were as follows:

1) Buy more Aveda products, they rock! I did buy more Aveda products, and I also found out they will give you free hand, back, and neck massages when you do. Hell-O! Kind to the environment and my tired muscles? Plus their tea is the best ever. And many of my purchases contribute to charities. Don't know how you get more win-win that that.

2) Flatten stomach so I don't have to starve myself before an event. Well that didn't quite happen. I actually got down to close to what I was before the doughnut fatness, but after I sprained my ankle this summer I stopped exercising altogether. I knew I was getting squishy, but I still came close to tears the last time I stood on the scale at the doc's office. A week later, when I had to pray during a wedding ceremony, I decided the extra weight was okay. I wore a conservative Banana Republic dress but still looked very Christina Hendricks in it.

Tasteful cleavage, right?
“It's not fair to do that to the boys,” my mother told me when I tried it on for her.
“Mother, I'm almost 30 years old,” I reasoned. “If they can't handle it by now then it's their problem for not stepping up to the plate to try to get a piece of it. Besides, you gave me this tasteful cleavage.”
Then I turned around and shot her scandalous look.
“Not to mention my luscious...”
“Oh no, I didn't give you that thing. I don't know where that came from.”
She made me wear a cardigan she'd preemptively bought anyway. And my cardigan got more compliments than my dress.
You've got. To be kidding me.
The point is, I tried to get a flat stomach, and maybe it's just never going to happen. I'm officially into womanhood, birthing hips be damned, and I've learned to just throw those Victoria's Secret catalogs in the trash instead of thinking I might purchase something and end up hating my body instead. However, exercise is a good thing, and I got back to the gym last weekend. I decided not to wait till the new year. Whether I lose poundage or not, it sure does make me feel better, and that matters most. So I resolve to keep it up and not have unrealistic expectations when it comes to my body.
3) Develop a cache of zingy comebacks for jerky boys.  I may never be good at this.  I am too honest with too little sass and when I do lose my temper I'm all over the place and usually just start crying out of frustration.  So maybe that's just not my thing.  But I did learn this year that I will always be true to myself.  When a relationship with a doctor got too much about what the guy wanted in a wife and not enough about what I could offer in a fledgling relationship, I told him that it was over and didn't look back.  Same with Cute Boy -- he wanted to quit his job and travel (and wanted me to do the same and focus on my writing) -- so I told him I wasn't the girl for him, ate a lot of Co Co. Sala, and got on with my life.  The Man Search will probably continue until I find Mr. Maybe, but I sure as heck am not going to settle.  And if I need a zingy comeback then the boy isn't worth my time anyway.  Besides, that's what I have The Roomie for (think Suzanne and Julia Sugarbaker).
4) Brush up on Spanish.  You never know when you'll need it!  I don't think that was a resolution so much as a suggestion to myself.  Maybe next year. 
5) EAT MORE CHOCOLATE!  Absolutely.  This summer I gained the Foursquare mayorship at Co Co. Sala and haven't given it up.  They recently opened a chocolate boutique, which means I have more reasons to visit.  AND I found out this year that I'm no longer allergic to strawberries, and it turns out chocolate covered ones are diviiiiiiiiiiiiine.  Don't think I'll have a problem keeping up this goal in 2011.
So I guess I did okay in 2010.  Next year I mostly want to focus on getting in shape, getting back into running, and getting a t-shirt from some kind of race.  My cousin Stacie started similarly a couple of years ago due to a bet with some friends -- whoever lost the most BMI by the end of the year would get a plane ticket to Colorado for a ski trip.  What she found out was she could do more than lose BMI -- she could run 5Ks, 10-milers, and eventually a marathon.  Now she's training for Iron Man next year.  With DC being named the fittest city in the nation this year, perhaps I'm jumping on the bandwagon because it's trendy.  But Stacie proved to me that a fleeting thought can turn into a lifestyle, and I intend to follow her example.

And you people get to hold me accountable.  :)

Happy New Year!

So maybe unicorns do exist? Possibly?

Dec 29, 2010

Almost two weeks ago I blogged about a Twitter conversation about unicorns that led to a popular local dating blogger (DateMeDC) inviting me to her monthly happy hour with a Single, Straight, and Employed Man Guarantee.  After my own depressing pointless why do I even bother? efforts to find Mr. Maybe, I figured another happy hour couldn't hurt.  Plus, I'd get to meet a few bloggers whose blogs I heart, and it's always a good thing to go to an event where you don't know one person and are forced to get over yourself and talk to strangers. 

This all began with the obvious easy way out: online dating.  I don't pay for that stuff anymore, so I signed up on OkCupid this summer but abandoned it when I met Cute Boy.  I returned to my account to find a decent number of messages, most from guys I would never go out with.  Too old.  Too short.  Too little hair.  Too much hair.  Too foreign.  Too creepy.  Too naked.  Too Jersey Shore.  Too picky?  Nah.

There was one who seemed normal, and we'll call him Astronaut Mike Dexter to preserve his identity.  The Roomie perused messages from potential dates with me one night, and when I opened up Astronaut Mike Dexter's she said, "Astronauts suck!  Ask him why he's an astronaut." He wrote back: "I've traveled to the moon a couple of times and enjoyed the work.  So tell your roommate astronauts don't suck."  (Note: This wasn't the actual conversation, she doesn't actually think astronauts suck, and we all know the moon is made of cheese and no one has ever actually been there, but you get the gist.)  Shortly after that the conversation fizzled.  My most hopeful lead on Mr. Maybe and I didn't even get to meet him.

That's when I started getting out more often to places where single men congregated.  But that wasn't working either.  Discouraged?  Yes.  Giving up?  Never!  So when DateMeDC told me to come to her happy hour I mustered up some hopefulness, put together a cute outfit (but not too cute, down-to-earth is always better than smokin' hot), and cabbed over to the Mad Hatter in Dupont.  (P.S. It's officially too cold to walk more than three blocks so I cab a lot these days, and it's getting expensive.  Anyone want to buy my car so I can cut out my parking expenses?)   

That morning I'd heard on the radio that women should have five criteria in a man and then compromise beyond that.  I'd decided mine were Single, Straight, Employed, Taller than Me, and Christian.  I told myself if someone met these (I could find out at least three of the criteria in an initial conversation without being terribly offensive) I had to open my mind a little and give it a shot.  But every guy I met was too something.  Right as I was about to resign myself to being alone forever because I'd gotten too picky in my old age, DateMeDC appeared.  "Your unicorn is on the way, he's late because he's serving people dinner at a homeless shelter.  Oh, and he played water polo in college.  And I don't set him up with many girls because he's too good of a guy, but I've read your blog and I think you'll get along well."

HA.  What-EV.  He'll have a lazy eye, or a crooked front tooth, or a wart, or too big of a chin, or something that will turn me off. 

But when she finally brought him around to meet me, he had none of those things.  And by the way, he's single, straight, has a really cool job, definitely taller than me, is a preacher's son and doesn't seem all that rebellious, and he runs triathlons to boot.  That's right, ladies, I was standing before the mythical Eligible Man. 

We began talking and right away he offered to buy me a drink.  We were laughing, having smart, witty conversation, making lots of eye contact, no awkward silences...I mean, you'd think this would be a good thing, but after my month of meeting d-bags it was a little bit eerie. 

But don't worry, he had a bomb to drop, and he finally clued me in.

"So I have a confession to make," he said, looking at me apologetically.  "DateMeDC sent me a link to your blog..."

And there it was.  He thought I was boy crazy and full of myself and generally insane.  But wait...he was talking to me, so maybe not?

"...and I have a question for you.  Did you and your roommate ever clear up the argument about whether astronauts rocked or sucked?"

Hrm.  "Did I blog about that?"


Uhhh... "Did I tweet about that?"


"Then how...?"

"I'm Astronaut Mike Dexter."  And then a devious, very handsome smile crept across his face, and my face turned bright red. 

Turns out he recognized me when he went to my blog.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is called fate.  Except we haven't actually had a date yet.  Stupid holiday cheer ruining my love life!  Hopefully there will be updates...

Wintry Things I Love

Dec 15, 2010

It was brought to my attention last night that I said I was going to begin blogging twice a week and didn't follow through.  Dangit.  I didn't think anyone was paying attention.

Well work has been nuts, and holiday parties/happy hours/man searches have kept me busy in the evenings.  And ever since I got Netflix streamed to my TV, I've become addicted to cancelled TV show "Veronica Mars" (not about a teenager with magical powers a la "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," as several of my friends and I thought and therefore never watched it, but rather about snarky teen detective).  And my dog ate my homework.  There.  I'm officially full of excuses.

So let's try this again.


Pantyhose and open toe shoes?  Faux Pas!!!  But what else am I supposed to do?  I have looked for shoes to go with this dress, trust me.  They are nowhere to be found.  So when I have to pray in front of the congregation (yes, pray, not say The Lord's Prayer or read a passage from 1 Corinthians, but say an actual prayer), I will be bearing my toes in the shoes I bought for Megan's wedding.  Oh well.  It can't be worse than when Liz Lemon had to speak at her ex's wedding.

Anyway, because I think we can safely say winter has arrived, here are my top 5 fave things about the season:

1) Cozy happy hours
-S'Mores by the Fire at the Ritz in Georgetown: free every night through the holidays from 6:30-7 p.m., yum!
-Clyde's: nice assortment of hot drinkies for $9.25 each (okay, not exactly a happy hour special, but still worth checking out and excellent after shopping off the Chinatown Metro)
-Co. Co Sala: In addition to the regular drink menu ($8 during happy hour), they've added Wild Winter (Wild Turkey Bourbon / House Spiced Apple Cider / Pecan Liqueur / Vanilla Bean Caramel) and Heavenly Hot Elixer (Dark Hot Chocolate / Grand Marnier / Courvoisier).  Or you can just get a hot chocolate flight (salted caramel is my favorite!).

2) The National Tree
I know it's shocking, but my family isn't big on Christmas, so I never had a Christmas tree growing up and I don't get all into tree decorating.  Still, nothing excites me more during the holidays than to go stare at the National Tree, see how the President decided to decorate it this year (yes, I fully believe he takes the time to thoughtfully design ornaments), and check out all the homemade ornaments from kids around the country on the smaller trees.

3) Puffy coats
When I complained about the impending cold, everyone told me to get one.  Did I?  No.  Did I grumble the entire way to work this morning when my Metro stop was shut down and I had to walk a mile in a non-winter appropriate skirt, pantyhose, and thin coat?  Duh.  (P.S. Turns out the Metro stop was shut down due to a suspicious red blinking light in a trashcan...and it turned out to be a Christmas ornament.  Gotta love the holidays in DC!)  I have a pink ski coat but must get a longer one with furry hood.  Any recommendations?

4) Peppermint everything
My fave new treats?  Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints and Chocolate Peppermint swizzle sticks (both can be found at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, conveniently located next to Clyde's in Chinatown!).  I also love making Cocoa Rice Krispy Treats with crunched up candy canes mixed in.  And eating Candy Cane Joe Joe's at Trader Joe's. Mmmmm yumminess.

5) Snowball fights (OMG has it really been a year?!)
Caaaaaaaan't wait for this winter's tomfoolery!  Hopefully I don't get shot.

As for blogging twice a week, I will try my best.  But if you don't hear from me that often just know I've got lots of lame excuses. :)

The Forecast Shows: Man Drought

Dec 13, 2010

A couple of weeks ago I talked two guys into watching "Tangled" with me.  Both were perfectly eligible -- cool jobs, good looking, straight, and both even open doors for girls.  (Really, who can ask for more than that?)  Unfortunately they're both in my friend zone, and everyone knows it's next to impossible to get someone out of there.  Side note: they wanted to see "Unstoppable."  How in the world did I talk them into watching Disney's latest princess cartoon?

Well maybe I got a bit of a big head about it, because my refound female power made me think I was sure to find a new guy right around the corner. But I know Prince Charming (or Prince Single, Straight, and Hopefully Taller Than Me) is not just going to appear, so I set up a happy hour with Jamie and her friend Diana.  Since both of them are in serious relationships they could both be my wing girls and I'd surely meet someone!

We began at Laughing Man Tavern.  Lots of post-work singles.  Except most were girls swooning over the cutest guy in their office that they talked into going out with them.  And the one table that looked like that SNL sketch with the awkward office people.  I eventually hit my boredom breaking point and did a dance routine I learned in a cardio class to entertain myself. 

(This was right before I had to give myself a pep talk in the bathroom because I realized it was exactly four months that day till my 30th birthday, sending me into a panic and increasing the urgency to meet Mr. Maybe.  Perhaps it's time to stop acting like a teenage pep squad leader in public?)

That weekend I had two holiday parties to attend.  I was documenting all of this on Twitter, and I started to draw some attention (remember, I'm mepper):

SassyMarmalade: I think you need a strategic plan of action! What kind of guy are you looking for??

mepper: single with a job! Preferably taller than me. Any advice?

Bourbon_Toddy: girls thats what we all want: single, slightly taller, employed/not a deadbeat and yet he #MightAsWellBeaUnicorn

SassyMarmalade: Plus, guys in DC are short! The military ones are usually a little better in that department.

My hopes sank.  Single, employed, and taller than me wasn't asking a lot, was it?  But these girls understood my plight and shared in it, it seemed.  (However I know from Sassy Marmalade's blog that she's happily coupled up.  How did she pull that off?)  It's what I've been hearing since I moved to DC -- the Eligible Man is a mythical creature.

And then, a glimmer of hope:

DateMeDCBlog: My advice is to come to my next happy hour because there are cute guys that show up! #fact

Good thing because my holiday parties didn't turn out any winners.  The first one was full of 24-years-olds (not doing that again), and the second one was full of guys salivating over my roommate (now THERE'S a girl who knows how to get a guy's attention -- by ignoring him!).  But I can't be too jealous of that night.  Her most avid admirer told her he had a thing for older women and it turned out he was older than she.  After she slapped him and stormed off, he tried to hit on me.  Really?  Really!  Oh boys, why do we even bother? 

Yet here I go again, to another happy hour to find the Unicorn Man.  Maybe he'll reveal himself in 2011?