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Moving On

Aug 23, 2010

Although summer technically ends on September 21st, every urbanite knows Labor Day really marks it for us.  The heat may drag on well into October for all I know (weirder things have happened here -- blizzard? flash flooding? earthquake?), but in two more weeks I guarantee girls are going to begin pulling out their boots and blazers to kick off the fall season. 

I've hated winter since I moved here in 2007, but after last year's Winter Games I'm not completely repulsed by the idea of cold coming to the District once again.  What is saddest to me this end of summer is all the changes that are happening almost at once.

First there are the friends.  Megan got married last month, and this weekend Ashmi got engaged (good job, Raghav!!!).

Now that's what I call engaged!

Also, Ashmi decided to quit her job and go to grad school to pursue her dream, food.  She moves to Boston in a couple of weeks, and we're having our Last Supper at Co Co. Sala, since she was the one who introduced me to it when it first opened. 

And then there's Margaret, the roomie, who is moving to NYC soon.  I can't even get started on that now.  I'll have to write an "in memoriam" blog about our three years together later. 

The second big change is my job.  Oh, the joys of being a defense contractor.  Last week I suddenly had no job because the contract ended (really? twice in one year?), but my company rocks and placed me somewhere else, so I start the new gig today.  (What am I doing writing a blog post when I should be getting ready?) 

But the change that's hurting the most right now is the end of my Summer Love.  Yes, Kanunu aka Cute Boy and I ended it this weekend.  Or maybe I just ended it.  He didn't say much.  Why don't boys talk when we need them to?!  Argh!!!

He announced to me Friday night that he was moving home to Texas, which wouldn't be a huge problem since he doesn't plan to do it till next year, but he also leaves for Oktoberfest in Germany in a couple of weeks and is staying for two months.  I just felt like that was too big of a test for a new relationship.  I cried, he apologized, and then when it was getting a little bit too hard for either of us to handle anymore (I could barely keep my eyes open at that point) he kissed me on the forehead and left.  I heard the front door click shut, curled up in a ball on my bed, and tried to convince myself it was for the best. 

Love stinks.

I called the bff Kristen the next morning and told her what happened.

"Did you cry?" she asked.  Except I heard "Did he cry?"

"No, but his eyes were red."

She laughed.  "I meant you, but I like how you were looking for him to cry."

"Yes, but it would have been awful if he had cried."

"Oh I know," she said. "If guys could only realize that if they would just squeeze out a tear, we would be horrified and stop crying and yelling at them.  They hold all the power in the situation, really." 

It's true.  I remember moving to California years ago, and I'd been sobbing for hours, and then my boyfriend at the time lost it and my tears dried up immediately.  HORRIFYING.  (Not because it's gross that a guy would cry, but we just don't know how to help them.  Yes, in this situation, they hold all the power.)

I spent Saturday eating, staring, sleeping, crying...not necessarily in that order.  Did not at any point wash my hair, and I really needed to.  At least I brushed my teeth, that was a step in the right direction.

Sunday was better.  I went to my church meeting, had lunch at my cousin's house, came home and did laundry (I've been sleeping on a bed with no sheets for three nights in a row), and then went to dinner at Rasika to meet a friend, K.  (Get the crispy spinach -- amaaaaaaaaaazing!  And surprisingly good break-up food.)  I wore a little black dress with red heels, but every time some guy looked at me I scowled.  How dare they?  Don't they know I have feelings for somebody else and I'm DYING inside???  Oh, oh...and the text I got form Kenny the Foursquare stalker wasn't any help either.  And I quote: "You seem cool and go to hip places. Creepy but what's social networking for?"  Is Foursquare giving out my phone number now?  I gotta learn privacy settings.

I really didn't want to go to dinner.  I wanted to cry.  And the only way to keep myself from crying was to make mean faces and silently judge all happy people in relationships.  To make matters worse, K was excited to hear all the details about my budding relationship, as she herself was in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man and I was sure they were getting engaged at any moment.

Fighting the tears, I walked into the the restaurant, shoulders back, head held high, determined to have a lovely time. 

K smiled big.  "I want to hear everything!"

"We broke up," I crumbled, slumping in my seat.

"Oh.  We broke up too," she said, her voice and face dropping. 

"OH MY GOSH WHAT ARE WE DOING IN PUBLIC?!" I said way too loudly.  We both laughed, and we both got watery eyes.  Then we ordered bourbon. (Possibly not the best idea.)

So we both told our stories -- hers WAY more dramatic than mine (they broke up the day before they were supposed to go to a wedding!  And they still went together!  I told her that's the scene in a romantic comedy right before you meet the man you're going to marry.  It could happen.).  It was good to get it out and commiserate, especially since there's nothing like heartache to make you feel so alone in the world.

There's also nothing like heartache to remind you that you're still human and not some zombie, heartless working girl who thinks being alone is fabulous.  So this time, there will be no cupcake eating, no bag buying and getting over it.  My first summer living in DC was worth every penny, even if it's ending on a bittersweet note.


  1. Cute Boy ended too quickly! Why do the good ones always seem to move away? :(
    Glad the job worked out. I'm excited about all the future good times we will share! And I thought of you yesterday when we ate dinner at Zola; we parked right out front of CoCo Sala. Mmmmm..

  2. You are a wonderful girl and a dear one to the Lord. Thank you for sharing your funny stories and your exciting life (though it may not seem so to you).

    Dear one, your future marriage is in God's timing. He is faithful and will supply all your needs! (Even if you don't publish my comment, that is a-ok, I just want you to know you are in my prayers :-) God bless you richly!

  3. I found your blog through DCBlogs and I really enjoy your writing! Hope the heartache heals quickly.

  4. Sad to hear that Cute Boy is a thing of the past. However, that must mean that Hottie McHotterson is out there roaming about?

    Contracting is super rough and stinks perhaps as much as/more than love... Glad you got a new gig so quickly though! Hope your first few days are going well.

  5. Thanks for the kind comments everyone! :) It'll get better, I just have to fight the urge to call/text him. Not doing a great job...

  6. This was great as usual, MEP. And the right guy will turn up-just a matter of time. Need to remember that women mature much more quickly than "boys." I am not sure if men ever catch up, to be honest.