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UPDATED: Yes, I Am Still Dating

Jun 18, 2010

So I've been trying to abstain from writing about boys since several people told me that's all I was writing about and even compared me to "Sex and the City."  As much as I love SATC, I can't stand Carrie and don't want to be associated with her. (Really, she's one of the most annoying TV characters of all time.  How her friends have put up with her this long I'll never understand.)  So I took a break from talking about boys, but this week I am struck with a conundrum so I'm resurrecting the boy talk.

Earlier this year I tried eharmony again, for the I-don't-know-whatth time, and I actually met a really neat guy, but after date two we both knew it wasn't happening so we just stopped talking to each other and moved on, like normal people.  This has been my experience in my adult dating life -- if you get past the first date, the second date is the sure sign if you've got something goin' on, and if he suggests y'all split the bill you've got your answer. (Which is a big fat no.)  After a million emails between our first and second dates, I thought there might actually be something there.  Except I had to suggest our next date, which I did by pointing out it was restaurant week and I wanted to try something new.  I let him take it from there, and he did -- Lebanese food at Me Jana in Arlington.  Yes, I trekked out to Arlington for him.  And we split the bill. 

Soon after I met a doctor, which excited my mother to no end.  We actually had a shot, but everything went downhill when he gave me Bath & Body Works shower gel for my birthday.  Call me picky, but I just couldn't stay with someone who thought I was 15 years old and smelly.  (May I insert here that I expressly told him I didn't want Bath & Body Works lotion when he asked what I wanted?  But maybe I am too picky. After all, shower gel isn't lotion.)

The latest adventure has been with -- who my friend Morgan named -- Dreamboat.  Shall I tell you his stats?  Passed the bar in three states (including DC), 6'4", former National Guard (which means hottttz body), dark, thick, curly hair, speaks four languages, good dresser, good conversationalist, GREAT kisser (oops! did I just kiss and tell?), oh, and he sings.  And yes he sang to me.  Well, sort of.  More at me than to me, but still impressive and romantic.  Basically, he's a total dreamboat.  *sigh*

I met him on our rooftop one night when Morgan and I were bored and in the mood to crash parties.  I don't think I've properly introduced Morgan to you.  She lives in my building and we met one night in the lobby.  She'd just come in from a concert and her foot was bleeding in her shoe because, while her shoe was hot, it was also impractical, so we bonded over her bloody foot.  A few days later I ran into her and she asked, "Can I get your digits?"  Of course I'd wanted to ask her for hers but didn't have the guts because I thought she was too cool for me.  But now we've hung out a few times, mainly in the lobby or at Rite Aid across the street, and I laugh my booty off around her.  So you'll be hearing more about Morgan in the coming months (supposing she dumps her pseudo-boyfriend...). crashing.  Our building probably has the best parties on U St when the weather is nice, so there was no need to go out.  This particular night there were three parties, and we crashed them all.  Dreamboat was part of one of them, but obviously I thought I didn't have a chance because he was the hottest guy there.  Little did I know he wanted to ask for my number but was too nervous so he was crying to Morgan about it.

"Don't be an idiot!" she yelled at him.  "I'd date her!  Go ask for her number!"

So  he did.  *sigh*  So dreamy.

ASIDE: When he and his friends left Morgan and I ventured onto U St and crashed more parties, including VIP at Local 16 (woo woo!!!) where a local artist asked if he could body paint us for his next show.  We giddily squealed "YES!"  The next day, when we'd had more time to think about it, we decided, um, NO.

The next day Dreamboat and I had our first date and it was lovely.  The next day he called me to see how my day was.  The next day he called again just to say hi.  The next day he called again because I'd accidentally dialed his number and he was calling me back.  But he never called for a follow up date.  So I broke a major rule and texted him, "Hey, I'm leaving Friday and would like to see you before I leave, are you busy this week?"  When I was a teenager I would get in trouble for even calling boys, much less asking them out, but for almost three years since moving here all I've heard is, "You're in the north now!  You do the asking!"  So to everyone who's been badgering me, I asked him out!  (Ish.)

So this time he did the trekking, from Arlington to DC, and took me to an Ethiopian restaurant.  I was always opposed to eating Ethiopian food, but apparently I break all my rules when a hottie patottie is involved.  The date was just as nice as the last one, and he paid, so it seemed like things were going to develop...but there was just something at the end of it that made me feel like it was a courtesy date.  He asked me when I was getting back from my trip and then said he'd see me next week.

Two weeks went by and nothing.  Then one night I get a text from him.  He'd bought a new car.  He'd read my blog.  He wanted to know how my dog was.  Then he had to go and he hoped I'd have a nice week.  If this was a strategy to get me to ask him out worked.  I texted a couple of days later: "Going to Jazz in the Sculpture Garden Friday, you should come!  Bring friends!"  Him: "Have a party but maybe meet up after?"  me: "Sure! We'll be in Chinatown."  But I did not hear from him.

Another week went by, and then another random text.  I didn't want to play the texting game again, so I flat out asked him, "Why are you texting me?"  His reply? (I could have predicted this...): "Why are you being hostile?!!"  UGH why do guys always turn things around on girls and make us sound like we're crazy?  Puh-LEEZE.  I wasn't being tagged hostile or crazy or anything else, so I called him.

"Heeeello?" he answered sheepishly.  Oh yeah, I'm not a scaredy-cat hiding behind texts, I deal with the issue head on! 

"Hey," I said.  "Listen, didn't mean to come across as hostile, I just would like to know what this is.  It doesn't seem like you're into me, but then you text me...I just don't get it."

"Why can't I text you?" he answered defensively.  "Maybe I just thought you were cool and wanted to say hi!"

"Well you're not trying to see me, and we're not exactly buddies, so what is going on?" I asked.

"I legitimately had something going on last week!" he said, his voice getting high pitched.  I tried not to laugh.  He thought I was hostile?  He sounded like I should have sounded.

"That's great!  I'm sure you did have something going on, I think that's wonderful.  But you're not trying to see me, so what's the point of texting?"

But the conversation had gone sour before it began, and he wasn't talking anymore.  So I said, "Well, it's awkward so I'll let you go. No hard feelings, okay?"

"Oh sure, no hard feelings.  Got it.  Bye." 

Ummmmm...can anyone explain to me what just happened?

UPDATE: I forgot to mention he is moving out of the country next month, so it doesn't make sense for him to just keep me around, right?  Also, if I didn't make it clear, I texted him the same number of times he texted me.  And seriously people, are we in high school?  Why is he texting me and not trying to go out with me?  Rail on me all you want, boys, but if you want to know how to get a girl, you should probably start with seeing her in person.


  1. Yes: boys are stupid. Hold out for a man!

  2. completely messed this one up with the "why are you texting me" and everything u said after that. You had a catch. Why can't women understand that guys are not thinking about you 24/7. We do not sit around and talk about why you're not calling us. We get distracted by whatever we are doing and the next thing you know it's been a couple weeks. And unless you're giving it up to us already, then a couple week pause till the next step is no big deal to us. If it is to you then you need to communicate that in a way that doesn't make you look like a crazy stalker bitch in love which is how you sounded with your hostile reaction to his text. If you don't like texting then just text him back and say, hey, let's chat on the phone? How hard is that? And then you say, so how have you been this week. And now you have something to talk about. Damn!

  3. He's not that into you. If a man is truly interested then you'll know for sure - no doubts.

  4. Sounds like a total he's-just-not-that-into-you situation, and you called him out on it. He wanted to keep you around, you know, just in case, but likely wasn't feeling it. You asked him out so that you could get the point sooner rather than later. Looks like it worked, because now you realize that he's another one to put aside; another one not good enough to be with you.

    And I'm totally with everyone telling you to do the asking. I asked R out, several times in the beginning. Worked out pretty well for us!

  5. Darling. Why would you post this if he reads your blog?

  6. He was truly just keeping you around as a "consolation date" men are a trip... If they are totally into you - he will call, but it IS ok for you to text them too... Just don't be aggressive... Play it safe - follow the 3 C's rule - be cool, calm and collective... You WILL know if he IS the one...

  7. If by "he's just not into you" you mean that you aren't the center of his world, you are most likely right. If he is the smokin' hot guy you say he is, he's probably working a few angles at the same time and he probably isn't wanting any kind of serious relationship either. However, the fact that you were still hearing from him meant there was something about you he couldn't let go. The way you handled it was indeed hostile and very confrontational. If you wanted him to s#!t or get off the pot, you got him off the pot. If that was what you wanted to happen, congratulations. However, if you were less confrontational, things might have gone differently. Guys don't think or act like women, we get distracted by things like beautiful women, stupid YouTube videos and playoff games. We don't sit around dreaming about Ms. Right and we aren't imagining our lives together and thinking about what our babies might look like... odds are, we are just thinking and doing something stupid most of the time. No one knows how things might have gone differently if the texting went differently... would anything have been different if instead you replied, "2 busy 2 txt, call me sometime" and left it at that?

  8. I love all this feedback! Okay for the record, I am so aware that he's not that into me, which is why his texts were confusing me which is why I was wondering why he was still texting me.

    Also, y'all are forgetting (as he did) that I DID text him two times (the equal number of times he texted me) and I actually asked him if he wanted to hang out instead of just BSing over texts.

    Did I forget to mention he's moving out of the country next month? Whoops. Kind of why I don't understand why he's keeping me around.

  9. And Smallwerld, you are so mean to me and it just makes me love you more. 'Cause you know girls love it when guys are mean to them. ;)

  10. I agree, not making enough effort. Probably was keeping you around in hopes of getting "something" without much commitment.

    To the guys: We realize you don't spend every moment fantasizing about us. We realize guys are slightly more distractable than girls. However, if you're totally "into" a girl, you DO think about more more than once a week. And if you don't text/call/ask her out when you're thinking about her, then it's your loss when she moves on.

    To PJ: the whole "there just something he couldn't let go" comment is a romantic thought... but is BS. How long is a girl supposed to stick around until he figures out if he actually likes her or just wants to see her naked?

  11. After reading this, I would like to remind you that you are beautiful. This is from a guy's perspective. P.S. don't be trippin' beau.

  12. Call me old-fashioned, and once you figure out who this is you will know where I am coming from, but texting is stupid! You can't build a relationship over texting. If a guys is interested, seriously interested, he will grow a pair and call you. When a guy likes you and wants to get to know you he will call you. Even with all of the BS involved in dating, calling someone should be a common courteousy. Now that I have been married for 5 years & have a kid, it amazes me that people play so many games. You can play the games, but know that there is a wonderful, no-BS guy out there for you, you just haven't crossed paths yet. You deserve better than texting, we both know that! As I have always told you, you are a great girl and deserve a great guy. I say good for you for calling him out. DreamBoat, sounds more like DoucheBag! I agree with Smallwerld that men and women are different, I am a dude, I'm married, I know, however, if smallwerld or this dude were real men they would know how to respond to a woman when she is frustrated or would know to have manners enough to call you in the first place. Some guys had good upbringing and know how to behave like gentlemen, that must just be a southern thing! :)