Today, exactly two weeks into my last year as a 20-something, I suddenly realized the time to do something rebellious is running out.
I've had similar feelings throughout my adult(ish) life. At 18 I feared I hadn't gotten in enough trouble in my high school years, so I snuck out with my friend Jacob and went to Dunkin Donuts at 2 a.m. When I turned 21 I went to Little Five Points in Atlanta and let a pale, dreadlocked, tattooed lady pierce my bellybutton. At 25 I felt really old and was depressed I wasn't married yet (part of my life plan -- married by 25, first kid by 30), so I pouted. At 27 I bought a really expensive pair of shoes that I wore twice. Last year I dyed my hair bright red (Garnier Pomegranate). So this year, my last year in my 20s...what do I do?
While getting ready for work this morning I contemplated my options. Staying out all night isn't fun anymore because I waste the whole next day sleeping and then my weekend is kaput. I could pierce something again, I guess, but that is voluntary pain without removing hair from a sensitive area or dirt from my pores, plus I'll just have to spend more money on more jewelry, and that's really unnecessary. I could get pregnant, a true shocker, but that would be straight up inconvenient. I don't want to go spend a lot of money on something I don't need, especially after paying DC taxes (OUCH...I am officially POed about taxation without representation!!!). I re-dyed my hair the same red a few days ago, but it's just not doing the trick. What's a girl to do?
I wandered into my bathroom, forlorn. I keep my jewelry in there, and it was time to accessorize. I was wearing a taupe skirt with a peach top and a bronze belt and brand new bronze sandals with little gray jewels on the straps. I bought the sandals because they go all the way around your heel, so they're just like flip flops, except the strap holds your foot in place so you don't get that cramp in the arch of your foot when you have to walk 10 minutes from the Metro to get to your new office. (Oh, do I sound bitter? Yes, yes I am.)
So what jewelry goes with bronze? I have a bronze necklace somewhere but I don't know where it is. Pearls? No, I always wear pearls. And then I spotted a necklace I haven't worn since last spring, and I haven't worn it because A) it's cheap and broken and B) it's yellow gold, and I don't wear yellow gold because I have too much yellow in my skin and the gold and my skin tone do not complement each other. I paid $6 for it at Forever 21, so I didn't feel like it was a totally irresponsible investment, and I was trying to be adventurous at the time, but it broke before I got a chance to wear it. I grabbed a pair of tweezers (I have them stashed all over my apartment and elsewhere) and got to work on the links that had broken. In a couple of minutes it was fixed. I wondered, could I mix metallics?
I draped the yellow gold, blue, pink, and amber jeweled necklace over my neck and admired it against the peach shirt. I've always matched my outfits and accessories. It felt wrong to wear bronze with yellow gold. Actually, it felt wrong to wear yellow gold at all. But this could be the rebellious act I'd been looking for!
So I did it! I mixed metallics! All day I wondered if anyone would notice. Unfortunately, I work in an office of men in uniforms. And the necklace broke again. But I had tweezers at work so I fixed it.
More unfortunately and sort of off the topic were the sandals. No cramp in my arch, but I got a raging blister in between my toes on my left foot. That's one of the only real problems with spring -- you've been wearing stockings all winter and your feet are baby soft, so the season between winter and summer you must build up the calluses on your feet so you can wear spring/summer shoes against your bare skin. And with new shoes, there's no memory callus from last year, so you have to start from scratch.
And worse than foot calluses are thigh calluses. Oh yes, after the donut-induced fatness occurred I have never gotten back my skinny thighs, and now when I wear a skirt they rub together and chafe. But I've been letting them chafe a lot in the past couple of weeks, so hopefully I'll form calluses soon and that won't bother me anymore.
Aaaaaand I think I just threw any hope out the window of having a kid by 30.