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New Year's Eve, you're fired

Jan 2, 2010

Before I tell you my NYE story, I want to reflect a little on 2009. My only resolution was to get happy -- and I know that sounds kind of pathetic, but my first year in DC was not easy. I learned a lot about myself and all that, but by the end of 2008 I was kind of sick of learning about myself and just wanted to have some fun! I am happy to report that I followed through on my resolution, and 2009 was one of the best of the decade! (I haven't come up with any resolutions for 2010 yet, but I'm working on it.)

I need to thank a few people now:

1) Britney Spears. You got your act together and came out with a new album, and I think it may be your best yet. Also, I love the lace tights in your "3" video and bought some to be like you. You will always be my guilty pleasure!

2) Jen Lancaster. You inspired me to write honestly, which is something I've always wanted to do. Also, you share a love of cupcakes and shoes, not to mention the 80s. I made Ashmi read "Bitter is the New Black" and she announced to me, "I know why you love her so much. She is you!"

For the readers: A couple of quotes from Jen to prove it.


3) The fans! (Is it okay for me to call y'all that?) You motivated me to keep writing. You'll never know how much I appreciate the feedback! I promise to have lots more adventures to share with you in 2010!

And now, for the last/first adventure of 2009/2010:

First off I have to tell you that I finished the 2nd season of "The Tudors" around 6 p.m. on December 31st. If you don't know, it's about King Henry the VIII and his reign over England in the 1500s. When I really get into a book/TV show/movie, I start to think I am the character to whom I relate the most. In this case, it was Anne Boleyn (okay, can't really say I relate to her, but as a woman I felt her pain when Henry turned on her), and in the last episode of season 2 she is beheaded. I cried for the last 20 minutes of that episode, and then I realized I had a super fancy party to go to in three hours and I mustn't have puffy eyes! Luckily I recently found an amazing product that takes care of puffy eye syndrome in a few minutes, Aveda Intense Hydrating Mask.

Resolution No. 1: Buy more Aveda products, they rock!

Also, I should mention that Andy Baldwin began following me on Twitter a few days ago.  He's a former bachelor from ABC's "The Bachelor," and he lives in the DC area.  He recently posted a link to my blog and also tweeted "i love @mepper" (that's my Twitter name).  I'm not sure where all this is coming from, but what do I care?  Free publicity from a hot celebrity! Woo hoo!

I bought a sparkly blue dress on ebay and the fit was (almost) perfect, although my mother said it was too cleavagy. The concierge in my building assured me it was classy, and I starved myself all day to fit into it, so I thought I looked pretty good. I paired it with my pink puffy ski coat because it was raining (so sad I couldn't see the rare blue moon).  (Oh, I just figured out how to add pictures.  So here you go!)

Resolution No. 2: Flatten stomach so I don't have to starve myself before an event.

I grabbed a cab and picked up Jamie, my date for the evening.  We had VIP tickets to a big, fancy party at the National Building Museum.  The museum was gorgeous and our VIP tickets got us our own private room with maybe 50 other people, complete with our own bar and DJ. 

"Don't you feel like royalty?" Jamie asked me as we looked down over the balcony at the hundreds of people below.  Of course I immediately thought of Anne Boleyn and held my head a little higher, knowing mine would not be chopped off tonight.

We ventured downstairs after a little while to try to find a guy Jamie has been dating.  He had a general admission ticket, so we had to search for him through the mass of yuppies.  We circled the crowd a couple of times, but eventually Jamie realized we weren't going to find him, and he had quit texting her anyway, so he obviously wasn't looking for her.  It was almost midnight, and while I wasn't worried about having no one to kiss at the strike of 12, I felt bad for her.  Right about the moment she admitted defeat, three young looking guys surrounded us. 

After complimenting us on how gorgeous we were and how we should stick with them, I said, "Y'all are sweet, but I think we're a little old for you."

"How old are you?  23?" my guy asked.

"Um, no, a little older."  A lady does not reveal her age.

"30?" he tried again.

"Ehh, not quite, around there."

"Well that's the golden age!  That's the age guys like us want our women to be, you're so experienced and low drama!"

Jamie whispered in my ear, "So now we're golden girls?  Let's get out of here!"

I was glad, because a few minutes later was the big moment, and I didn't want those guys to think we wanted them to kiss us.  We counted down to midnight and pecked each other on the cheek then went back upstairs to our VIP room.  Jamie glanced over at a tall, blonde hottie across the room, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her over to him.

"Hi!" I said to the guy. "You need to meet my friend Jamie!"  Then I noticed he had a friend with him, a short, skinny, nerdy looking sidekick.  I took one for the team and talked to Sidekick so Jamie and tall hottie, who claimed he was an Air Force pilot (but couldn't tell me where he was stationed or what plane he flies), could get to know each other.  Eventually they all decided we should go to the after party at George in Georgetown.

We stepped outside into the cool air, which was so refreshing after dancing and being in the hot, crowded museum.  Everyone was trying to get a cab at the same time, so I suggested we walk up a block where so many people weren't congregated.  Jamie and Fake Air Force Pilot wanted to try to get one where they were standing, so Sidekick and I crossed the street to look for a cab elsewhere.  I had dropped my coat below my shoulders to get some air flow on my neck, and as we crossed I heard a guy say to his friend, "That girl looks like a prostitute." 

I stopped in my tracks and looked back at him.  "Did you really just say that?"

"Well, you do," he said and kept on walking.

(Okay, fine, Mother, you win.)

I stood in the middle of the street, mouth agape, unsure of what to do next.  Then something in me snapped.  My 4-inch heels propelled me forward and I stomped up the sidewalk to catch up with him.  As I got closer, testosterone pumped through my veins and I clenched my fist.  What happened next I did for Jamie, for Anne Boleyn, for all the women of the world who had been wronged by jerky white boys who didn't deserve to bask in our beauty!!!  I took a deep breath, braced myself and then...

"HOW RUDE!" I yelled at him.

That's right, I channeled Stephanie Tanner and REALLY gave it to him. 

Of course I was thinking, Is that all you've got?  Punch him!  PUNCH HIM!  Unfortunately I don't know how to punch, but Sidekick held me back anyway. 

"It's not worth it!" he yelled as the jerky guy took a step back.

Just then Jamie called me.  "We have a cab!  Get over here!"

I sat in the front seat and tried to pull it together, but I couldn't stop the tears from coming.  The cab driver looked over at me uncomfortably, and after a few minutes everyone was trying to make me laugh, but I was too angry to humor them.  However, I hated being the source of tension, so I asked the cabbie, "Do I look like a prostitute?!!"

Ever the genius, he answered neither yes nor no.  "Who said that to you?"

"Some stupid boy!" I cried.

"Well you should have told him he and his boyfriend made a really cute couple." 

Well why didn't I think of that???

Resolution No. 3: Develop a cache of zingy comebacks for jerky boys.

When we arrived in Georgetown (couldn't get dropped off at the bar because Georgetown is so flippin crowded) the guys got out and waited for us on the sidewalk.  Um, 'scuse me?  Who's paying for this?  Jamie opened her wallet.  "I only have three dollars, do you have any cash?"  I had plenty of cash, but I was not paying.  I rolled down my window.

"Do either of you have cash to pay the cab driver?"

Fake Pilot ignored me and looked away, and Sidekick pulled out his wallet.  "All I have is a fifty."

"That'll work!" I said cheerfully. 

As we walked toward the bar, I laughed at all the drunk people lying on the ground.  Guys had passed out, and girls were falling all over their high heels, many of them crying. ("He didn't text me!!!  WAAAAAH!") 

"This is so pathetic," I told Sidekick.  "I mean, come on people, learn your limit.  Getting that drunk to the point of falling down is irresponsible and unnecessary.  I'm so glad I'm not like tha..."

Suddenly my foot was turning perpendicular to my shoe and the sidewalk was coming closer and closer to my face.  BAM!  Right on my knee.  Sidekick scrambled to help me up (why didn't he catch me before I ripped a huge hole in my brand new stockings?). 

Now really, how could this night get worse?

We walked inside and Sidekick offered to check our coats.  Jamie and I handed them over and made our way to the bar.  We all talked for a little while, but it turns out Fake Pilot had no personality, so Jamie tired of him and led me away from them.  As we were walking through the crowd of drunk girls in ridiculously short skirts, a guy stopped us and smiled at me.

"You are soooooooo hot!"

"Um, thanks," I replied.

"Oh my gaaaaaaaaw, I'm sooooooooooo drunk!" he followed.

I scratched my head and looked over at Jamie for help, but she was talking to his friend.  When I looked back at my guy he was leaning in to me with his lips puckered.  I took a step back.

"Can I kiss you?" he said.

"No, sorry."

He leaned in again, swaying a little, and I was afraid he might fall on me.  "You want to kiss me, I can tell!"

"Um, you really are reading me wrong, then, because I really don't."

He looked disappointed, so I offered him an alternative.  "Look at all those gorgeous, fun girls over there!  I officially release you to go flirt with them.  No offense here."

"But I want to talk to you!  Let's just talk, I'm a really good listener."

I caught Jamie's eye and visually pleaded for help.  She nodded, took my hand, and led me to the coat check.  "Are you ready to go?  I am," she told me.  While we stood in line I saw Fake Pilot and Sidekick leave.  At first I felt bad, but then I realized Sidekick had our coat check ticket.  I ran outside after them, but they were gone.  I figured there had to be a way around the ticket.

When we reached the front of the line we explained to the guy that we didn't have our ticket.  He didn't seem to know English, so I pulled out all the Spanish words I could muster. 

"No tarjeta!  Chaqueta rosa y chaqueta negro, por favor!" 

Resolution No. 4: Brush up on Spanish.  You never know when you'll need it!

"No ticket, no coat" were apparently the only English words he knew.  So I found someone who worked there and asked for assistance.  "Sorry, we have a strict policy, no ticket, no coat." 

"Well how do I get my coat?  Y'all must have dealt with this before," I said.

"You'll have to speak to an owner."

After more waiting, an owner came over.  "Ladies, do you have a ticket?"

"No," Jamie explained.  "That's the problem, our friends ditched us and they had checked the coats."

"Then I suggest you call them."

"But we didn't know them!  PLEASE!"

"How do I know you aren't thieves?" he accused us.

"Look," I said.  "Our coats aren't even that nice.  And I can give you very specific details about mine.  In the right pocket there's a green doggie poopie bag.  See?  How would I know that?" 

"Do you have a ticket?!" he asked us again. 

"Why are you being so mean?!" Jamie asked, her voice raising in pitch. 

"No ticket, no coat!" he said again then walked away.

Jamie fell back against the wall, her eyes welling up.  This is not how this night was going to end.  I stomped after him, determined to have justice and also not be cold.

"Excuse me, sir, but you are being extremely rude (there I go with 'rude' again -- wow, I am just full of zingers!).  We are paying customers and this is ridiculous.  You must have some procedure for people in our situation."

"I'm sorry I was rude, but I will be held liable if they aren't your coats," he said.  I rolled my eyes, and as I did they picked up a burst of color on the floor.  No, it couldn't be...

I bent down and picked up a pink poofy ski jacket with a green doggie poopie bag in the right pocket.  Then I felt around on the floor and found a black poofy ski jacket.  I held them up in victory.  See!  We weren't lying!   The owner smiled and offered to get me a drink to make up for it all, but I was so done with the evening, so I said no thanks and emerged into the coat check area.

"WHAT???" Jamie said in disbelief. 

"That's right, that nerdy jerk didn't check them, he dropped them on the floor in the middle of the bar.  Let's get out of here." 

When I got home I checked my Twitter.  I had another message from Andy Baldwin: "What's your New Year's Resolution @mepper?"

"To eat pizza," I wrote back.  And after I got my tight dress off, I did just that.

One down, and four to go I guess! Let's make that number rounder -- from the suggestion of an old high school buddy, Taylor: Resolution No. 5: EAT MORE CHOCOLATE!

Don't worry, after NYE I'm already workin' on it.


  1. Sidekick sounded like a nice boy. Why don't you give him the benefit of the doubt that he couldn't find you, unchecked your coats knowing that there would be a ticket problem and then left them out for you to get... then some other dumb ass knocked them onto the floor. PS: Upset that your New Year's blog didn't mention your new year's day brunch.

  2. Um, wow. What a night. One of the things I've learned is to leave a party at its peak. Going to any type of "after" anything is just bad news. It's like learning your alcohol limit. Stop when you're at the "fun" stage. Going any further and you'll just end up in the bathroom all night.

    And I'm sure you didn't look like a prostitue. What an ass for saying that! And those guys just dropped your coats on the floor. Hello! OMG!!

    Well, I hope you had a blast in the VIP section! Happy 2010!!

  3. Hillarious!!! I visioned every moment with every word. I wish I had been with you when the guy made the first "RUDE" comment. I would have opened up a can of good ole' southern girl whoop ass! :)

  4. 1. I am Anne Boleyn, therefore, you must not be.
    2. Did you know that a blue moon is actually just two full moons in one month? Ben's mom taught me that.
    3. I can actually picture the look on Jamie's face when she mentioned golden girls. And when she squealed at the owner for being so MEAN!
    4. Everything I know in life I learned from Full House.
    5. Also, you couldn't look like a hooker if you tried, which it sounds like you did, but I'm sure you just looked overwhelmingly intimidating.

    And finally, I WONT PIZZA.

  5. wow, what a crazy night! my nye seems extremely low key compared to yours. glad you got your coat in the end? lol hope the past couple days have turned up for you!

  6. haha. omg just saw this. Hillarious! The story need to call me.

  7. I heard a slightly different version of this, but I love it! Mine was almost as bad and not as funny. Yet again NYE lets me down.

  8. Great story! For a married woman with a baby at home who spent her New Years at home watching movies, your stories are a great way to relive the single days :)

    On a side note, if you like the Tudors and want to read some fictionalized history books, look up Phillpa Gregory, she's written a great series on all of Henry's wives.

  9. Resolution No. 1: Stay away from chicks who write blogs attempting to mimic characters from 'Sex and the City'

    Resolution No. 2: Commit to shooting myself in the face if I ever become starstruck by reality TV personalities

    Resolution No. 3: Never display a $50 bill in front of a girl with a reputation among the public for prostitution

    Resolution No. 4: Take a cue from Sidekick - Try to get laid until the point that you realize a girl is just another yuppy princess, then drop her coat on the floor and run away giggling with the goal of finding a more efficient chickenhead

  10. Your 2010 resolution: Stop blogging.

  11. OMG. This blog is phenomenal. A friend just forwarded it to me. A few guesses/comments:

    1) Sidekick was black, wasn't he? I'm picturing Urkel. Short, nerdy, and no other physical description, so I feel like that's a good guess.

    2) The pilot looked a little like a cross between Michael Jackson and Matthew McConaghey. No dance moves, though :(

    3) You're the oldest of several girls.

    Am I right?!

  12. Chuck: Not mimicking Sex and the City, but thanks for the reference to the iconic chick-lit-turned-TV-show-turned-movie! Sounds like you hated the blog, but you still read it - thanks!

    C-hunt: I wish you were right! Sidekick was palefully white. I like your description of Fake Pilot, I'm gonna say yes to all of that! And lastly, no, I am the baby in the family of two girls! Thanks for reading!

  13. The Rippers SuckedTue Jan 12, 10:51:00 PM

    Let me try and follow this. You're pissed (and crying) that some guy calls you a prostitute for how you're dressed, yet in this blog you denigrate the only guy that's nice to you all night based on his appearance?

    Maybe you should change the name of the blog to Cupcakes and Oh Wait That's Why I'm Still Single.

  14. I don't hate your blog, per se, Mary El. However, I find it somewhat unsettling hearing a single female 'humorously' victimize herself after describing every date that they attend as a 'disaster.' Are guys really the culprits for your relationship misfortunes, or could you be the problem?

    In one of your earlier posts, you subtly trashed a guy with the moniker "Wine Guy." On the date, you were more concerned with piggishly stuffing your face with pizza than showing any kind of interest in something that this guy clearly displayed passion towards. I agree that such an intense love for wine comes off as pompous and lame, but if someone treated me to dinner and acted relatively amicable, I sure as hell wouldn't portray him/her as a clown in a blog post.

    With respect to this latest post, a decent individual wouldn't 'demand' that two relative strangers pay her cab fare. A decent individual also wouldn't expect the aforementioned strangers to stand around like idiots holding coat check tickets after being dissed by two seemingly egocentric girls.

    Selfish: Check

    In your latest post, you also mentioned that you were in tears after some random guy called you a prostitute in passing. As a resident of the never-ending circus that is San Francisco, I can reasonably speculate that you did not look like a hooker. However, the stranger's comment seemed to have deeply disturbed you.

    Insecure: Check.

    So wait...who is the culprit behind your relationship woes again?

    I'm sorry to rain on your parade of creating this persona of a humorous, attractive, wealthy, cosmopolitan, yet hopelessly-single female, but how you treat decent guys is distasteful. If you went to a bar in Staten Island and blogged about assholes with fake tans and roid rage, then I'd probably be your biggest fan. However, hating on nice guys is just lame. Sure, other selfish and insecure single women will love your blog, but at the end of the night you'll still be getting into bed alone.

    I have a prostitution...I mean, proposition for you. I'll most likely be in DC from March 6-9. Why don't we go on a date with each other? Then you can write up your interpretation of me and I'll have the opportunity to respond. A blog showdown, if you will.

  15. Number one person youre thankful for... Britney Spears. No, not Obama, not Bernanke, not Pelosi nor that full-on Palin, not even mom or dad but the winner is the human embodiment of Beezlebub herdamnself. Well cupcakes, I am thankful for your complete lack of reality.

    I am also thankful for your resolutions. I particularly snickered that half revolve around consumption: pizza, chocolate and aveda products. Mad props for divulging the keys to a happier, fuller existence as a fender bender.

    You "took one for the team." My oh my, now that is comical. Unfortunately, it's written without a hint of irony. Have you seen the Jersey Shore? You know how when you watch in amazement, when you stare in disbelief, when you point and laugh at those "people" and their perception of reality? Completely perplexed at how anyone could be so obtuse? I have a confession, cupcakes and shoes, you're my Jersey Shore and I thank you for it.

  16. Firstly, I think this blog will go down as one of my faves! Way to go! Second, what's up with all the haters out there? Did somebody force you to sit down to read, umm, last time i checked each of you have your own free will to stop reading, or maybe you actually liked it so much you couldn't... Just a thought.

    A prostitute?!?! Has this guy never seen prostitutes??? Just because you have ample boosum that most girls would pay for, the nerve! BTW that dress was HOT! If I wasn't always pregnant I would work it too, awesome festive wardrobe decision on your part.

    Much love to you in the New Year!

  17. DAAAAAAANG! Where is all this coming from? I heard that "Sidekick" found the blog somehow, so maybe you are friends with him? Anyway, I usually do not write about anyone that I think would read it, I write mainly for my girls who can relate to give them a good laugh. Sometimes I leave what I deem gross or inappropriate details out of posts because I try to keep it pretty clean (which is why I won't be publishing a few of your comments). For those of you who don't live in DC, you don't know how bad dating is here. I'm just trying to find the humor in it. But thanks for all your comments! Good to know that I may be coming across a tad maneater-ish (as my mother warned me a year ago).

  18. Wow, Mary El! You are truly on the dawn of your 15 minutes of fame. I love how Chuck characterizes the guys you are writing about as "nice." It's unfortunate that your new "fans" can't appreciate your blog for what it is supposed to be. Also, I'm loving the people who criticize but keep coming back to comment. Oh, and getting mad about someone calling you a hooker does not make you insecure! And get down on your knees and thank the Lord for the Dems today, k?

  19. Chuck just needs to SHUTUP! Good grief guy.... it's just a blog and you obviously did ENJOY IT! You apparently read every word nimrod! I agree with fierolove - if you didn't like it or if it upset you - you should not have read it. So keep all your rude comments to yourself and furthermore... no wonder YOU'RE STILL SINGLE! It's just a blog - it's fun - it's called WRITING A STORY!!!!

  20. oh, sorry, that previous post was for every guy that spoiled the story for everyone by making cold-hearted remarks about someone you have never met! Not just you, Chuck!

  21. PLEASE don't take all these comments to heart.

    It seems to me that people are missing the point here. You cannot judge someone's entire character based on the re-telling of ONE story. The insults that are being thrown are just silly, as is the fact that people are getting SO worked up about this. It's a BLOG, people. Come on.

    I went back and re-read some of the others - Wine Guy in specific - and I think Chuck and the others are reading a level of snark into your stories that is flat out NOT there. For example ... I'm assuming "Wine Guy" was thus named because that is the trait that stood out to you, not as some veiled criticism of him.

    Also, people are failing to notice that you do not update constantly ... could it possibly be that you don't record EVERY detail of every date and the rest of your life? That maybe this blog is a place to share the more humorous or enlightening of your stories? Shocker!

    Don't put any stock in what anyone has to say. When it comes down to it, you know who you are, you know you're loved, and a few nasty comments from strangers doesn't change that.

  22. Hooray female power!!

  23. Holy Crap Chuck is DumbWed Jan 13, 01:29:00 PM

    Please learn how to distinguish tone. Tone is a critical component in all forms of communication. It determines whether the speaker intends, "You're such a jerk," as an insult or a joke. It determines whether Mark Twain meant it literally when he said, "In military life [a woman] would tire out an army of men, either in camp or on the march."

    It also determines whether Mary El's posts are satirical commentary about the world she encounters and her reactions to it. (I'm using the definition of satirical that means: trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose vice or folly.) If you read several of Mary El's posts, it's easy to pick up on. For example, when Mary El thanks Britney Spears, not only is she commenting on the laudable fact that Britney recovered from a major faceplant executed in front of the entire world, but she is also commenting on the fact that our society idolizes people for the entertainment they deliver and not for their personal fortitude.

    I for one don't like cupcakes that much, and absolutely hate it when my wife buys new shoes. And while I enjoy Mary El's blogs occasionally, her subject matter is generally too feminine for my taste. However, I, like all good graduates of American public education, studied literature in high school and can therefore generally distinguish literary cues. You, Chuck, apparently cannot.

    Therefore, Chuck, do yourself and all potential readers of your writings a huge service. Replace your four New Year's resolutions with the following:
    1. Read more Charlotte Bronte, Shakespeare, Melville, and Twain, and less John Grishham, Dan Brown, and James Patterson.
    2. Quit taking yourself so seriously.
    3. Realize that while you are intelligent, you're not brilliant; realize that you do not know it all.
    4. Quit trolling blogs for dates with sarcastic women.

  24. You're mad at your dad dude!

  25. Wuthering Heights BlowsWed Jan 13, 01:54:00 PM

    Hey "Holy Crap Chuck is Dumb". We get it man, you went to Brown. Don't get your chinos in such a bunch.

  26. ohhh heyyy - direct quote from "Fake Pilot" as follows: "Please tell Mary El that her blog is the best thing I've found all year."

    Chuck feeling stupid: Check.

  27. JoeyJoeJoeShabbadooWed Jan 13, 03:04:00 PM

    It's about as obvious as Arthur Ashe's AIDS that Mary El is: 1) insecure, and 2) desperate for a man, who has a) money, and b) will impress her other insecure, desperate friends. Showing excessive cleavage, crying absurdly often , and then picking other people apart on the internet the next day pretty much says it all. Love the blog, though, Mary!

  28. Holy Crap Chuck is DumbWed Jan 13, 03:19:00 PM

    Wuthering Heights was written by Charlotte's sister, Emily.

    But thank you Chuck for proving the necessity of Resolution number 1.

  29. Cali Girl Pilot LoverWed Jan 13, 03:27:00 PM

    Mary, this is "Sidekick"'s ex-girlfriend. We dated back in San Diego for awhile, and you've pretty much got his number. He always did sweet things like check my coat, pay for cabs, cheer with up with quips when asshole guys made a comment to me or my other girlfriends. But then he got all "nerd" on me...went off to some prestigious college and then had the audacity to get a law degree. A guy like "sidedick" can have all the education, impressive athletic accomplishments, thoughtful gestures, and trunk-sized peckers in the world, but I'm with you, if his friend's taller and claims to be a pilot, I'm gonna go after "true happiness" until the friend stops paying attention to me. I'm so glad life isn't like a romantic comedy....

  30. Cali Girl Pilot Lover, I do need to respond to you. As I said earlier, I don't write negatively about people I think would read it. Hurting someone's feelings is never my intention. The people I write about are simply characters in my stories, and details are often embellished or left out for creative purposes. "Sidekick" -- who if you know him I'm sure you would say is nobody's sidekick, but that's how it looked in my mind that night -- was very gentlemanly for most of the evening, and I had a lovely time talking to him at the party. When we found our coats trampled after he'd said he would check them, then I was angry and didn't feel as bad making his character seem nerdier than he actually was. So sorry for any offenses I caused, but I guess it's the nature of blogging and the Internet -- you can't always hide it from people.

  31. six inches around.Wed Jan 13, 04:34:00 PM

    Chuck is dumb really needs to reconnect with his father and patch things up. Great blog though!

  32. All publicity is good publicity. :)

  33. I'm impressed with the volume and eloquence of commentary that this post has elicited. My guess is that Chuck is truly intrigued by a woman of your wit and honesty and so he posted nasty blog comments to get your attention. Kinda like when boys pulled your hair on the playground because they liked you.

  34. Mary El, I love you! You are a great writer... and the perfect entertainer. I'm amused at that a simple story has sprouted so much controversy. Definitely a war of the roses here! .... yet, so entertaining. Keep up the good work! You obviously have many fans! And to think.... they all don't know the WHOLE story! LOL!

  35. Sidekick here. I decided I need to weigh in on this little discussion we’re having. I actually wrote up a nice little satirical, non-confrontational reply to all this stuff, but decided not to send it. I sent this instead to set the record straight. When I sent the link to this blog to my friends, I did it for a laugh. I thought, and still think, it was funny. Some of them thought it less so, and were good enough friends to provide me with unsolicited backup. This is my attempt to do the same thing for them.

    Its clear from the other comments on the blog that some people think my friends’ perceptions and interpretations of the blog are way off base. The satire of the blog, although funny, also serves the dual purpose of a personal attack. It’s clear from the blog that I was a primary object of the attack. Literary devices and creative license aside, the satirical attack accurately mirrors your actions and attitude toward me that night. So although my friends’ comments may have been inflammatory in nature, that in no way detracts from the veracity of their perceptions.

    Despite my grotesque appearance, it doesn’t mean I wanted to be there with you. However pretty your appearance, it doesn’t make you enjoyable to be around. Who came up to whom in all this? But sure, I’ll talk to you in a room full of girls. Try and cheer you up with witty comebacks when some guy calls you a name [and the cabby didn’t say that one-liner. It was me.]? Sure but just continue ignoring me when I say them. Follow you to confront two guys so make sure nothing bad happens [Snookie anyone?] despite being a short, skinny nerd? Sure, and I wont bother to mention that my recently operated-on shoulder will most likely fall off if something bad does happen. Pay for your cab? No, don’t bother to thank me. Help you up when you fall? Yes, I agree with you that your friend “owes you” and this has been an “awful night”, and no need acknowledge the guy you are slighting is the one standing there helping you off the ground. Buy a round of drinks while the actual pilot checks the coats [yup, it was him not me]? Sure, feel free disappear and leave while we do that. You get the picture? So next time you’re taking one for the team, try to be little less obvious about it. If for some reason you don’t like this perception of yourself, then don’t write about it in a public forum. And next time you shit on someone in public, don’t hide behind the humor in your satire when you get called out on it.

    That all being said, there are no hard feelings. In the panoply of failed growth spurts, weight gain products, and jedi mind tricks that are my life, this never mattered. If you ever see me out, come say hello. I’ll check your coat and buy you a drink. I promise to get it right this time. Maybe you will too.

    P.S. I do actually like the blog. Its funny, well written and, very much to your credit, open to comment.

  36. Sidekick (I despise this nickname at this point, btw), would you send me your email so we can talk offline? If you leave it as a comment I won't publish it. I was actually trying to track it down through Jamie but haven't heard from her.

  37. Ok, I hate that I felt the need to weigh in again, but here goes...

    At this point, it all needs to stop. This has disintegrated into what would normally (I'm assuming) be a group of educated, eloquent adults doing a whole lot of name calling. On both "sides". Since when is that productive?

    "Sidekick" ... I'll hand it to you, you have a group of friends that are supportive of you no matter what. It's something to be envious of. HOWEVER, there is a time and place for everything. I went back through and re-read the blog with a more critical eye and this is what I found: other than commenting on what her first opinion of you (based on your appearance) was, Mary El does not say one negative thing about you until the jacket incident (which, come on, you have to admit the reaction to that was justified after finding the coats on the floor, having handed them to you guys ... had it been reversed, you would have blamed her as well). Until that point, it was a recitation of facts - you two talked so your friends could get to know each other, you walked across the street together, you pulled her back from the idiots on the street, tried to cheer her up, paid for the cab, helped her up when she fell, etc. Hmm - sounds like it was a pretty favorable report to me.

    Whether she was enjoying your company or not, she doesn't say. Nothing about the post, sans first impression, says what she thinks of you one way or the other. Someone wants to see it as a severe insult to you? Fine. But as she hasn't said anything either way, she cannot be blamed for what someone else assumes.

    Please, people, grow up. Know that a blog this small is somewhat of a diary - yes open to the public - but generally read by a few friends and so on. I'm assuming you all know each others' names, correct? Not ONCE does she give out any identifying information for anyone to know who she is talking about. That's true in all her blogs. If she is writing about someone who's given their permission to be named, they're named. For everyone else, it's a code name. If you hadn't been directed here by someone involved in the night, you never would have found it. The same goes for your friends.

    On the other hand, many people, yourself included, have now come here and launched very public, very open personal attacks. By name. Which is never appropriate, no matter what.

    I get it ... you both had a terrible night. Fine, I understand, I've been there. You were both in the position of tagging along while your friend flirted. We've ALL been there. But a piece of personal advice: if you're having as terrible a time as you have said you were, don't stick around. Don't invite said "terrible person" anywhere with you, don't offer to pay for drinks, or check coats, or anything. And then don't proceed to then publicly insult them the first chance you get. You met at a party. You didn't hit it off. Since when is that not case closed?

    At this point, both sides have behaved badly. Some people more than others, but still, it's on both sides. Can we all please shut up and return to being the self-respecting adults we were two days ago?

  38. As an objective blog reader, this whole situation looks like this:
    -Meppers writes about some guys she meets out on NYE, painting one as attractive without a personality and the other as a nice loser. In the end the portrait of the guys is this: neither is good enough for her.
    -The guys find the blog, pass it around to their friends, and the friends use it as an excuse to write some hilarious (though mean) stuff. Whether it's justified or not really depends on your point-of-view.
    -Now Meppers is feeling guilty and HER friends are pissed at the friends who were written about in the first place.
    So here we are. I propose that Meppers and Sidekick go out for a drink, laugh it off, and actually give each other a chance to prove that neither is vindictive, nerdy, or desperate. Meppers has said herself that it's impossible to meet nice guys in DC. Here's your chance. And Sidekick continues to impress everyone with his candor and loyal following. So c'mon Meppers, put this blog to good use and invite Sidekick out for a drink after you two email privately.

    I look forward to reading the recap.

  39. So after finding out through comments that:

    1) he's a lawyer
    2) he's got a "trunk sized pecker"

    it went from sidekick who is a nerdy grenade to lets go on a date.

    Damn, I knew I should have been a lawyer instead of a world class surgeon/spy/heli-skier, with a larger than trunk sized pecker.

    Alas, I must drink my loneliness away at Rhino Bar and Pumphouse Saturday at 8pm. (PS - i pay for cabs).

  40. Mary El,
    1. I need to meet your friend Sarah, she is awesome.
    2. I bet when you started a blog called "Cupcakes and Shoes" you never thought guys would be reading it, talking about the size of their junk.

  41. Well Mary El, I know this is probably too little too late, but my original intention was to come write a brief comment lamenting your lack of new posts. I truly enjoy your blog and generally check every few days to see if there is a new one. As you can imagine, I've been very dismayed that no additions have been made.

    Then I saw all the comments. Suddenly I realized why you're not blogging, you've gotten alot of "hate" comments (which I give you major props for publishing). I know all of your friends have already encouraged you, but you're a great writer and I truly hope that this doesn't keep you from continuing to blog. A blog is simply your take on events that have gone on in your life and it is also an excellent way to practice your writing skills. If someone doesn't like it, tough! It's easier for a 3rd party to say that and I'm sure you can't take it as lightly, but if this is something you enjoy doing, don't a few meanies ruin it for you. Not to mention when you become a famous author, there will be critics... so just consider this practice.

    And as one side comment to hopefully help all your critics better understand this blog. Your blog is about a southern girl dating in a non southern city. I only point this out because in the south, it is relatively customary for men to pay for cabs and drinks. It's what a gentleman does. In this north, a man (aka Chuck) calls you "selfish" and says you're not a decent person if you expect it. It's pretty much a cultural difference. I think that would be a great next blog, the differences between dating in the South and the North. Just a suggestion.

    Well good luck and I hope to read another new blog soon :)

  42. I need you to update your blog so I can have something to read with all this free time I have this week. :)

  43.; You saved my day again.

  44. This post and blog is AMAZEBALLS. Thank you for being so honest and open, and for not deleting this post and the comments because they truly have made my night--almost one year later.