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On the prowl

Jun 3, 2009

Summertime brings interns, which means fresh meat...err, eye candy. (I'm not old enough to be a cougar quite yet.) Megan and I were walking to CVS together yesterday, and she was able to point out each one to me.

"Look at those sweet little faces!" she would giggle.

But really, I am always more interested in the new set of young officers. Not only do we get new civilian cuties, we also get military ones who are just precious (and also in really good shape). Nothing is quite as fun as looking at a youngin who's finally out of the awkward adolescent years but hasn't formed a beer belly yet from the first half of his 20s. You put a uniform on top of that and...well...yum.

With all the newbies walking around, it made sense that I should get a haircut. My ends were a little dry and I couldn't deny that my hair was not swinging or blowing in the breeze to its optimum potential. I still haven't found a new hairdresser since moving here almost two years ago, so I tried out Bubbles in Pentagon City and was pleasantly surprised. $45 for a cut and blow dry and out of there in an hour? Not bad.

I walked out of the mall with my head held high and flipping my hair more than usual. I like getting on the Metro at Pentagon City because there's lots of types of people down there, which increases my chances of meeting Prince Charming (aka wealthy yuppie with a downtown condo and a power suit). I found a bench to sit on in the station and ran my fingers through my hair, letting my long bangs fall over my right eye just a bit. I noticed a handsome stranger reading a paper nearby glance over at me. I smiled coyly and threw my hair over my shoulder. Oh yes, the haircut was worth every penny.

Once I got on my train, I opted to stand rather than sit -- you get more visibility that way. A couple of potential princes were also standing, and I attempted to make eye contact with each of them. But, as the train made its stops, they all left, and once again my daily routine of making my Metro fantasy come true was squashed. (Someone suggested recently I just walk up to a cute guy and hand him my business card. Great idea but way too scary!)

Finally I reached my stop. The train had cleared of cute passengers, so I took out my book and found the marked page where I had left off. It was getting dark outside, so I would only be able to read while crossing the lit parking lot outside of the station. Once I got to the open field that was between my apartment and the Metro, I wouldn't be able to see the pages. When my foot hit the grass, I closed the book and looked at the sky. It was getting dark fast.

I am not usually afraid to walk alone at night in my neighborhood because there are lots of cops around and mostly people like me live in the area. We have no crime to speak of and the streets are always clean. However, along my walk across this field is a stream lined with tall bushes, and I can't help but be a little wary of what could be lurking in there, be it a mosquito, a cat, a homeless person, or even a...

I heard a rustle in the trees to my left. My eyes darted. My heart raced. The adrenaline rush caused me to break a sweat. Could this be the moment I'd been dreaming about since I began reading my current book?

I walked past slowly, expectantly, but the rustling stopped. I guess a vampire won't get me tonight, I wistfully sighed.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you think this post was about me prowling for potential boyfriends? No no, it's all about vampires prowling for me. (Yeeeeeah...I finally jumped on the I'm-in-love-with-Edward-Cullen bandwagon. A little late, I know. Humor me, please.)

When my mother caught wind of my new obsession, she had to warn me immediately, "Do not become obsessed with vampires! God had to annihilate an entire race of people because they mated with embodied demons!"

Okay, here's the thing: I don't think I am necessarily in love with the idea of a vampire falling in love with me. I know "vampires" exist, and they're not pretty and extremely freakish. In college I co-hosted a talk show on our radio station, and on Halloween we had a "vampire" come in. He was pale with black hair -- typical goth type -- and had a little blond girl with him. Oh, come on. How unoriginal! I wanted to tell him that Brad Pitt was much more convincing -- and better looking -- than he with his creepy minion. (NOTE: No children were harmed in our Interview with a Vampire -- the girl swore she was not a minor.)

So, no, not really all that interested in dating a vampire. I've considered what's so enticing about Edward Cullen, I mean, besides all the forbidden love, which could make anyone seem attractive just out of your natural desire to rebel.

First, there's his stare. Something about a guy staring you down like he might want to bite you is really, really hot. You can read about or view said stare in the book, "Twilight," or the movie. Robert Pattison does an excellent job of mixing super-creepy with super-hot. But on this topic, I defer to another cinematic stare, that of Count Fersen in "Marie Antoinette," played by the delish Jamie Dornan. He made himself irresistible by first staring at Marie across the room at the ball and never breaking the stare as he walked toward her and talked to her for only a moment. Then later, at the dining table, he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Boys, if you want to make a girl weak in the knees, you should probably take note of this. But beware of the creep factor. If you get a weird vibe from the girl, you should probably abort the plan.

Second, there's his need to protect her. I don't care how modern a woman you are -- every girl wants to be protected. Even "Sex and the City's" Samantha once admitted that she was unhappy with being alone, and she wished she had some man in her life to come take care of her. Edward's sole reason for existing becomes protecting Bella. I love reading about how he holds her close to his chest, his "iron grip" not letting her go. Boys, if you want to make a girl feel protected, you better work out those biceps and then hold her close.

Third, Edward loves Bella despite all her quirks. He laughs at her endearingly but never arrogantly. I may be one of the few women who will admit all her weird little things to the world, but trust me, we all feel self conscious. My current bane is my weight gain -- when I look in a floor length mirror (or worse, a photo) I see FAT AND UGLY. But I have several girlfriends who have put on a comparable amount of weight since college, and I think they look better now than they did in their skinny days. Beside the weight, I am loud, talk too much, have a voice that is too low, have too much skin on my eyelids, am too sarcastic, say everything that goes through my head, and treat dogs like children. I'll stop the list there. The point is, if a guy came along who said something to the effect of what Mark Darcy said in Bridget Jones's Diary -- "I like you, just as you are." -- he would catch my attention and melt my heart a little. Boys, if you want to break down a girl's walls, let her know you like the whole package.

All that being said, "New Moon" is on its way to my door from Amazon. I hear it's about werewolves. Don't worry, Mama, I have no interest in any kind of canine other than Noli.


  1. We're planning an office-wide trip to see New Moon in November. Be there.

  2. Okay, I seriously cannot wait to see you this summer so we can Twilight it up!

    Please start reading New Moon soon, I feel like I want to tell you stuff but it would be I'll hold off....for now!


  3. Thank you for not ignoring that I might read your blog. I stand firm on what I have told you. And, by the way, I think you look pretty good. Love, your mother

  4. You're so crazy Mary El...

    A beer belly just indicates we enjoy the finer things in life!