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Cheese in the Time of Boredom

May 4, 2009

Since nothing terribly exciting has happened to me in a while, I thought I'd give you all the rundown on how I spent this past Saturday.

7:30: Dogs whose combined weight equals the weight of my hair wake me up wrestling and pushing me off bed.

8:15: Take dogs out to do their biz, terrified of running into hot redheaded neighbor while wearing no makeup and hair a mess.

8:30: Debate making pancakes, scones, or just eating cupcakes.

8:45: Make scones -- a happy medium between a lot of work and being fat and lazy with cake.

9:00: Order "Slumdog Millionaire" from Comcast on Demand (the price of my monthly Netflix membership, but worth it).

9:15: Still getting used to the accents and teeny subtitles, I rewind movie to beginning.

9:30: Yes, they are Muslim. Okay that makes more sense. Moving on.

11:30: Hungry. Consider eating cupcakes. Eat another scone instead.

Noon: Put on cute casual workout type outfit and throw hair up in loose bun. Take dogs out for biz again. If nothing else I'll look athletic if I run into Hot Neighbor.

12:45: Throw dogs in bath. Rain has made leech creature things come out in grass and dogs are covered in them. Now leeches are crawling around in my bathtub being goopy and gross.

1:00: Play Mafia Wars. Wish there was Slumdog Millionaire Wars, where you start off as a kid trying to make a buck at an outhouse and escape mean blue Hindu child only to end up in child slave camp but escape with your eyes and work your way up to gangster. Decide I am insensitive and probably shouldn't invent the game for Facebook so as not to advertise my American arrogance. Also have close Indian friends and do not want to offend them. Even though they've never been to India. And are Hindu.

1:30: Paint toenails.

2:30: Attempt french manicure.

3:30: Scrub dried leeches off bathtub. Rinse. A lot. Soap and scrub and rinse again. Bubble bath and Bridget Jones's Diary on Netflix Instant Play.

5:00: Use foot potato peeler apparatus to shave of foot skin. Fight urge to mold dead skin into shapes.

5:30: Eat a third of a block of Wisconsin white cheddar cheese from Trader Joe's.

6:00: Panic attack -- am I supposed to be working this weekend? No.

6:15: Scroll through Netflix Instant Play for more movies. Settle on Made of Honor.

7:45: Made of Honor was a waste of my time. Super predictable and pretty much My Best Friend's Wedding but not as interesting or realistic. And yes, My Best Friend's Wedding is realistic.

8:00: Megan comes over, fresh off the Gold Cup bus, which I missed because I
A) am cheap.
B) am broke.
C) would rather eat cheese alone in my apartment.

8:15: Eat day-old pizza and start Slumdog Millionaire again. Hey, I have it for 24 hours, might as well make the most of it.

9:15: Megan is falling asleep and leaves. I feel tired as well. Eat lemon curd cupcake.

9:30: Put green face mask on and change into PJs -- bright pink striped pants and raspberry striped top. I am a giant, mismatched pink stripe.

9:45: Noli is whining and needs to do her biz. I sometimes wish she would just revert to her puppy years and go on the carpet so I could clean it up later and not exert energy taking elevator downstairs. But I've trained her well so she whines like a good dog. I get her leash and she goes nuts and jumps up in the air, making it impossible for me to latch it on her harness.

9:50: She finally calms down. I grab a poop baggie and we are out the door. And there is Hot Neighbor Man. "Hey, how's it goin," he says, all cool and bulgy muscly with tattoos. "Oh hey how are you fine okay bye!" I blurt out and scurry around the corner to the elevator.

10:00: In my bed. Mortified.

4:00 am: Dream I am Britney Spears' personal assistant.

On another note, I would love to read your comments! Some people's comments haven't been sticking, and I wonder if you have to be a member of some sort? You can use your Gmail account as a member name, btw. I'll try to figure it out. Have a date Thursday, so hopefully I'll have something interesting to share this weekend! Stay tuned...

UPDATE: Hmm, so there's a "Comment Moderation" tab that I haven't been checking. Never mind. Comment away!

1 comment:

  1. Dear one.... I love you! You are my little cheese-shaving. :) Sounds like you had the perfect weekend... minus the dream.

    ReplyDelete